As Middle Earth Turns (A parody) – Episode 1

by Apr 1, 2003Other News

As Middle Earth Turns: Episode 1
Arwen stood stooped in grief amd sorrow. She had lost all hope. Looking down upon her love, the great king Elessar, she felt her heart close. She heard footsteps behind her, but she didn’t acknowledge the intruder.
“Arwen?” A hand touched her shoulder.

She turned as tears fell down her face.


“Yes.” He smiled. “I came to see how you’re doing.”

“When I made this decision, I didn’t realize it would be like this…”

Legols looked into her grey eyes.

“Yes,” He said, “Why must men die? We must put our stock into elven-love.”

For once, Arwen saw the elf before her and spoke in her heart what she already knew.

“Legolas, though I know that you love Elenya, the elf from America, but this I must say before I leave to fulfill my days on this lonely earth. I love you.”

His eyes widened. “Truly? I feel the same, but felt I could never reveal my feelings.”

“But what of Elenya?”

“Elenya doesn’t know many things, she need not know about this. For this love is deeper than any elf-girl from a democratic superpower in an alternate world can quench.

“DO you not feel it also?” He continued. “We should have known in Rivendell, the Evenstar and the Prince of Mirkwood should be together.”

At this Arwen’s face contorted in rage.

“How could you think that I loved you like that?”

“But you just said…”

I’m like three times older than you and the love of my life is dead.” She continued angrily. “I love you in an elven brotherly love.”

Legolas stuttered. “Oh.” He mumbled, not knowing what to say. Then he went on.

“Uh, you do realize that he’s Dead right? It’s not like he’s ever coming back; what would it hurt?”

“First of all, part of the agreement was that I would have to mourn for Aragorn, wander around for a while, then die.”

“It doesn’t have to be like that! Why mourn and die in the prime of you (infinite) life? You could at least have a pleasant last couple days! Besides, if we go to the undying lands in the west…”

Arwen sighed and looked away.

“Don’t you see? I cannot break my vows.”

Legolas stared, ” I thought you said you didn’t love me in that way.”

Arwen back pedaled. “I don’t uh… it is no use, I am madly in love with you Prince of Mirkwood. I always have been.”

“Hah!” He cried “I knew it…” He said smugly.

They passionately embraced, and for the first time experienced the love that only elves can feel (As Elrond said).

“Unfortunately,” Arwen sighed. “this cannot come to pass. For we must foolow the story line. I must wander among the golden trees in my Elizabethan dress and Catholic veil.”

Legols had a look of disgust.

“You must not be a true elf anymore, abandoning your great elven-style for some alternative future clothes. I don’t know why I was ever attracted to you!”

Arwen backhanded Legolas and shouted elven curse words.

“I should have known you self-absorbed psycho-killer! Go get a mirror!” She yelled.

“Legolas was filled with rage.

“Me!? A psycho-killer? This is from the person who was married to Aragorn?”

Arwen fumed.

“He goes…*sob*…went by Elessar now…then…whatever!”

Legolas mocked her.

“What’s this poor…”

He never got a chance to finish his sentence as Arwen’s eyes flamed red and she used her sharp fingernails to scratch his face.

“AHHHHHH!” He screamed. “You ruined my beautiful face! For this you shall pay…as soon as I put some antibiotic cream on and bandage my face, of course.” He added.

He suddenly got a gleam in his eyes. Arwen had a flame inside her that was attractive.

Arwen saw him approach. SHe wrapped her arms around his neck. He felt her prominate upper lip on his mouth, as she caressed his beautiful cheekbones. Legolas knew that this felt right- they could no longer resist one another.

Then suddenly, Elrond appeared from behind, let fly a punch that connected with Legolas’ beautiful cheekbones. Legolas fell backward, tripped over the balcony, fell two stories, and broke a rib.

To be continued…



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