Are you Obsessed? – You might even not realize it. 127 ways to know.

by Jul 5, 2002Other News

Are YOU obsessed with LotR, Legolas, Hobbits or any other thing related to Lord of the Rings? Have you seen the movie one to many times? Here’s how to find out. Mostly written from personal experience.

1) Your friends positively refuse to speak with you about boys, movies, blond hair, hairy feet, books, or anything related because we ALL know where THAT will lead to.

2) Your friends tell you they do not want to know anything more about LotR before you even take a breath to start chattering your endless stream of words.

3) You consider yourself bilingual, after all, you DO speak Elvish. Fluently. (actually that makes me quatrelingual, English, Spanish, French AND Elvish.)

4) When your friends point and scream ‘there he is!’ you turn around just in case.

5) You want a tattoo of the Fellowship of Nine, because the experience was too wonderful to forget.

6) You know all the cinema employees by name, and they all know you by name.

7) You have added various other meals to your list, elevensies, afterlunch, second breakfast….

8) You can not count on your fingers the many times you’ve seen the movie.

9) When ordering any drink you automatically ask if it comes in pints.

10) You can tell how many times ‘Frodo’ is said in the movie. (98)

11) You know the proper Elvish name for Legolas is. (Laegolas)

12) You become irritated if anyone you ask has NOT seen the movie. Insulting.

14) Any other movie is out of the question, it is considered betrayal.

15) You walk barefoot, insisting that ‘Hobbits can do it, so can you.’

16) When you see the movie (again) you can quote it word for word. (I amar prestar aen, the world is changed, han mathon ne nen…..)

17) You are insulted when someone calls you ‘Human’.

18) You have pointy ears surgically attached.

19) You stare at the birdbath, trying to see ‘things that are, things that were, and things that have not yet come to pass.’

20) You cried during the movie. All ten times you’ve seen it.

21) You are on the LotR DVD/Video waiting list, just waiting for August.

22) You have or are trying to get all LotR merchandise available, after all you NEED, the action figures, posters, games, cards….

23) You are learning how to shoot a bow and arrow.

24) You have hurt someone trying to learn how to shoot the bow and arrow.

25) You have hurt someone trying to learn how to shoot the bow and arrow with 2 arrows at once.

26) You have a scratch on your cheek just like Arwen. Purposefully.

27) You run around in the woods screaming “Ho! Tom Bombadil.” And you provide anyone you run into with mounds of food and protection from mean oak trees.

28) If you had a horse his name would be Asfaloth or Shadowfax.

29) If you had a pony his name would be Bill or Fatty Lumpkin.

30) You spent days making an Arwen costume for Halloween, but are insulted when people say they don’t know who Arwen is.

31) When someone refuses to hand over the remote control you scream, “preccciousss, we must have our preciousssss.”

32) You have scared away people with your Gollum imitation.

33) You envy “little people” because they most resemble Hobbits. You call them Hobbits – they don’t like it. You don’t care.

34) You are positive that your next door neighbor is a Hobbit.

35) You plan to name your kids like the Hobbits, Drank, son of Frank or Lorence, son of Torence.

36) You doodle Gandalf, Legolas, Frodo, Bilbo, and Smaug during all your classes (who me?)

37) You insist that the old man with a beard who you used to think was Santa
Claus is now Gandalf.

38) You’ve given all your friends names that rhyme so you can sound like a dwarf when you read them off: Mike, Krike, Drike, Fike, and Sike the large.

39) Whenever you get angry at someone you don’t cuss, you say “The One Ring” rhyme in Black Speech… it really freaks ’em out!

40) You expect your garage door to open when you walk up to it and say, “Mellon!”

41) You have drawn, or attempted to draw, any character from LotR.

42) You wish you were an Elf, or a Dwarf, or a Hobbit, or a wizard, or a human (wait a second…)

43) You have nightmares about being chased by Black Riders.

44) Arguing with a waiter at a restaurant, picking up the butter knife in anger and saying, “Do you want me to smite you with Sting!? DO YOU!!!

45) You suddenly start eating mounds of mushrooms, even if you hate them.

46) If a major earthquake starts, everyone shouts ‘EARTHQUAKE!’ but you shout ‘BALROG!!!’

47) You gather at Tolkien’s grave every year to sing a lament in Elvish.

48) The only thing that kept you from seeing the movie 10+ times was the fact that it went out of the theaters so soon (precioussssss issssss losssssst!!!!!!)

49) You start threatening any critics who dis the movie.

50) When someone bashes in the rear window of your car, you say “We hates the vandalsss, my precious, we hatesssssss the filthy vandalssssss. We cursessss them and say, no more fisssshess for resssssst of life.”

51) You are racing on your bike through the streets and shout: “Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim.” (Guilty)

52) Constantly calling your friend Sam, oblivious to the fact that his name is Bob…

53) You have actually written (or plan on writing) “Frodo Lives” on some form of public property if you ever get the chance.

54) You are insulted when the spell checker on your computer says the `Hobbit’ and `Frodo’ are written as misspelled words.

55) You think George W. Bush looks just like an elf. (the ears….)

56) You’ve carved Elvish names into each knife in your kitchen.

57) You search the web for hours, trying to find a site that teaches Sindarin and Quenya.

58) You notice if people have pointy ears, and tell them so, you are jealous of them.

59) Your friends laugh at you because you spend all your time on LotR, Legolas and Elijah sites (that cuts me deep, Shrek, that cuts me deep). (Sorry, inside joke)

60) You kiss your poster of LOTR every day, and if you forget, you feel empty and depressed.

61) You try to stop a large group of people (all at least a foot taller than you) from fighting by yelling “I will take the ring!” (I am DEFINITELY trying this.)

62) Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song. Preferably one that has more than 20 verses. (I love doing this!)

63) When you come to a dead end you’re still convinced that the road goes ever on and on.

64) You’re starting to notice the hair on your feet more, and you can’t help but smiling at the thought of them getting even hairier.

65) You routinely shout elvish for absolutely no reason. (HAVO DAD, LASTO BETH NIN, ELEN SILA LU’MMEN OMENTIELVO.)

66) You routinely shout lines from the movie, which you’ve learnt off by heart. (The script is very helpful here).

67) You never watch the news, after all, it’s not the ‘REAL’ world…

68) Your walls are covered with pictures from LotR. All of them.

69) You have to be physically restrained from running up to the movie screen to profess your love to the character of your choice (for me that would be Frodlijah or Orligolas). Figure it out.

70) You have attacked anyone you has made the slightest suggestion that any of the characters are gay.

71) You spend hours finding hours trying to find that little thing that finds your Elfish name. Where is that anyway?

73) You steal vegetables from your neighbor’s garden (those mushrooms…..)

74) You spend all day at work picking up leaves and mumbling “Look Legolas, it’s you.”

75) When the radio guy announces that smog is moving in from the east, you exclaim “Smaug? Nonsense! There hasn’t been a dragon in these parts for a thousand years!”

76) You explode if anyone even mentions Balrog Wings,

77) Gollum DOES live in your basement.

78) You keep a lookout for Orcs and Wargs while walking in the woods.

79) You have performed in some sort of play or skit from the movie (I got to be Arwen!)

80) “My ears, pointy, where?!”

81) You make a ring of your own!

82) You want to travel back in time, to Middle earth! (Don’t we all….)

83) When you see a tall, dark tower you scream, “Minas Morgul!!!!”

84) You are sure that Saruman is watching you, I mean, that Crebain over there is rather suspicious.

85) When you’ve finally read through the Silmarillion for about the 100th time, you understood all of it . . .

86) Your nickname at school is Legolas.

87) You buy a One Ring and wear it, pretending to be invisible.

88) You ask your history teacher ” So, when do we start learning about Middle- Earth?”

89) Your doormat says, “Speak friend and enter”

90) Your friend tells you she has been given a signed copy of LotR for her birthday and you having trouble fighting the urge to attack her for it, even if it is only Christopher Tolkien’s signature, not JRR himself.

91) When your parents want to inspect whether your room is messy or not, you shout “YOU…SHALL NOT…PASS!!!”

92) You actually search around the net for the rumored ‘secret diaries’ (oh aren’t those funny!)

93) When uninvited guests start barging in to the house, you wryly say: “They have a cave troll” You have been practicing your Boromir voice, even if he is just in the first movie.

94) You go watching the movie by saying” ok this is really the last time” and then at the end, in tears, say “I wanna see it again”

95) You don’t eat melon, mellon is your friend.

96) The pictures you have printed out and a `little’ messed up, because you kiss them so much, that messes up the color.

97) On September 22nd you throw a huge party, inviting everyone you know, plus more, you sent a letter to those nifty fan addresses, asking everyone from LotR to come, even ALL the extras. When, of course, none of them show up, and people ask the occasion of the party, you mutter something about the REAL guests are yet to arrive.

98) You have *tried* to change your birthday to September 22nd.

99) You are jealous of people who’s birthday is on September 22nd.

100) You HAVE printed the Script, and used it to memorize every line when you just can’t get to the theater to see it for the fifteen-millionth time.

101) You find yourself muttering curses in Elvish and the Black Speech when someone annoys you, and trying to shoot fireballs at them with your pencil.

102) You cry over Gandalf’s death even though you know he comes back (but it is STILL soooo sad, I hate seeing Frolijah cry *snifff, waaaahhh*).

103) You go crazy at the movie rental place looking for movies with any LotR character, and freak out because Flipper is rented out!!!! (believe me, I was about to attack)

104) You realize what a huge Tolkien geek you are!!! But you don’t care!!!

105) Trying to communicate with others using Quenya or Sindarin.

106) You have really freaky nightmares about Mordor.

107) You start threatening your friends that if they don’t stop making fun of your LotR obsessions you’ll go get your pet Balrog

108) You want to get your finger chopped off so you can be like Frodo. (Have NOT gone this far yet).

109) You hear the word ‘ring’ and look up, shouting IT MUST BE DESTROYED IN THE FIRES OF WHICH IT WAS FORGED.

110) You begin to whisper to moths and birds

111) You always say eleventy-one instead of one hundred eleven. (Lookie the number!)

112) When asked to deliver an item, you reply: ” I will take the thing, though I do not know the way.”

113) You despair to think you forgot to bring a rope, even though you are just going to your friends house for about an hour.

114) You think the little gasping Hobbit is soooooo cute.

115) You actually know that the cute, gasping, Hobbit child is Peter Jackson’s cute, gasping, Hobbit child. (It is true, that is his daughter!)

116) You refresh the Official Site over and over again so you can hear all the different greetings.

117) Not only that, you have recorded every single one of them.

118) You listen to them before you go to sleep each night, feeling empty and cold if you ever forget.

119) You believe that when you die, you are sent to Middle Earth and sacrifice yourself and your friends to prove your theory.

120) Because you have listened to the Enya `May it Be’ song much that it is ACTUALLY getting annoying, but you still sing it all the time, that is, if you don’t sing like my brother.

121) Your library has the LotR version that has pictures form the movie, when they first got it you immediately signed it out, and, even though the school year is almost over, you STILL have not given it back. (my library is useful for this, there is not limit of how long you can keep the book, but you can only have one book at a time, but what other book would be worthy of signing out?)

122) You are considering “losing” this book and paying for it, but secretly keeping it. Why bother go buy one yourself? Too much of a hassle.

123) You start to bite your nails. (Elijah does, so do you.)

124) You are SOOOOOOOO disappointed when Frolijah did not sing in the movie, you NEED to hear him sing.

125) You shriek with laughter at the even remotely funny parts in LotR. (Well Pippen is hilarious).

126) You often shout “Lego-man!” for no apparent reason.

127) Are surprised when someone acts insulted when you tell them they resemble someone from LotR, it was OBVIOUSLY a compliment.


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