After the War – What *Really* Happened After the War of the Ring

by Nov 30, 2004Other News

Author’s Note: I mean no disrespect for Prof. Tolkien’s work. I am as much in awe of LotR as the most fanatical fanatic, so please don’t take this the wrong way. This is just for fun.

What *Really* Happened After the War of the Ring…

Merry and Pippin went on to create the computer. Many believe that computers reflect their relationship, because the language that they speak with each other makes no sense to an outsider. The invention didn’t catch on in the Shire for many decades, but in the Pipe Weed Famine of the Fourth Age, the computers were in high demand in order for the Hobbits to order pipe weed from outside sources.

Aragorn and Arwen are to thank for many of our edibles nowadays. One day Arwen was creating something new – “cookies” she called them – but discovered that there was an ingredient that she needed. So she called in her trusty Ranger husband and asked her to find something pale, pasty, and edible while she ran her fingers through his hair. He was just about to leave when she glanced at her hands decided that the gunk on them was perfect. She promptly named it Crisco.

Gandalf{/B] was about on his business when he heard of three girls who were poor as church-mice. So he resolved to help them. That very night he crawled down their chimney and left lots of stuff. A legend was born.

[S]Sam[/S] lived to have a huge garden. Eventually it got so big and bountiful that he made a market out of it, hiring employees. As time progressed, the produce was shipped to a different site. The company is now known as Sam’s Club.

Frodo did not go across the Sea as most people think. In actuality, he heard from Gandalf that the Elves had discovered oil and went with Elrond, Celeborn, Galadriel, Bilbo, and Gandalf. He’s filthy stinkin’ rich and living in Montecarlo.

Legolas got into the baking business. He focused mainly on cookies and snacks, developing many different varieties of nibblies. Soon he had lots of other Elves to help him. They created a company and named it Cëblâré, but the over the years it was changed to Keebler ®. They’re still in business today.

Gimli decided that horses were too bothersome and during his and Legolas’ visit to Treebeard’s home, he dreamed up the first pickup truck. Legolas dubbed him the Happy, Endearing Roadster-Needing Yearner, but the Elf was pleasantly surprised when Gimli created his dream. He began to go about the forest in it. The Ents named him Fangorn’s Outfitted Ride Driver in honor of his invention. He later shortened the names given him to HENRY FORD.


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