Frodo and Elijah flee through the woods, trailed by a half-dozen Uruk-hai….
Elijah: Quick, behind that tree! Okay, Frodo, here’s the plan: You take off to the boats, I’ll stay here and attract their attention.
Frodo: I’m not leaving you here to get killed!
Elijah: Look, Frodo, I’m going to vanish and go back home any minute now, I’m not going to get hurt! Besides, you’re more important. Now go!
Merry: Frodo! Over here!
Elijah looks over, and sees Merry, Pippin, and Dom huddled under an old log.
Elijah: I’m not Frodo, guys — stay there!
Pippin: What’s he doing?
Merry: He’s leaving.
Elijah: No I’m not, I’m fine! Stay there!
Merry: Hey! Hey, you! Over here!
Pippin: This way!
Dom: Oh, great. Might as well join in, though. HEY ORCS!
Elijah: Oh no. Stupid hobbits…. might as well take off, though, maybe I can help Frodo.
Elijah turns to chase after Frodo, but trips over a branch and falls down, making a loud snapping noise. An Uruk-hai sees him and charges towards him, raising his sword high to slice Elijah in half.
Elijah disappears just as the scimitar swung down through the place he would have been. The Uruk-hai is extremely startled.
Dom: Run! We’ve got to stay ahead of them until Boromir shows up!
Dom: Right! He’s going to save our skins!
Pippin: Merry! Look! He’s gone!
Merry: Looks like his skin has already been saved….
Dominic appears in London, and greets Elijah.
John: This is so unfair. Why does Orlando get to stay there last?
Viggo: I guess because he’s an Elf.
John: What difference does THAT make?
Ian: I’m assuming that it was Elf-magic that sent us into Middle-earth in the first place, so it’s logical that an Elf did it. If an Elf did it, it follows that the one Elf among us would get to stay there the longest.
Billy: But he’s not an Elf!
Sean B.: Come on! You think a human could shoot that fast?!
On the screen, Legolas and Orlando are whipping arrows to their bows and firing as one, faster that the eye can see. The actors watch in awe, and suddenly there is a blinding flash of light –
Orlando: Hallo, all!
Ian: So we’re all back here.
They silently watch the rest of the movie, until the screen goes dark and the credits begin rolling. Elijah goes up and hits the Eject button on the DVD player, and removes the DVD.
Ian: Where, exactly, did you get that DVD, Elijah?
Elijah: Well, when I invited you all over here I thought I had the extended movie, but I couldn’t find it. It’s Labor Day, so most of the stores are closed. So I called PJ up — he’s in town — and asked if I could borrow his extended DVD.
Viggo: This is Peter’s DVD?
There is a knock at the door. Elijah answers it, and Peter Jackson walks in, clad in usual shorts.
Peter: Hey, everybody, I’m just here to pick my DVD back up. I think I gave you the wrong DVD, Elijah, it’s probably been acting up.
Elijah: Acting up?
Peter: Yeah, this is my own personal DVD — it has some funny traits. Been working all right for you?
Ian: Oh yes…better than `all right’, in fact.
Orlando: What did you do to that DVD, Peter?
Peter: Oh, nothing much….just made a few modifications to make it more realistic and 3-D.
Peter Jackson picks up the DVD case, and slips in inside his jacket, and heads for the door.
Peter: By the way, would you like to borrow my extended DVD of `The Two Towers’ sometime?
Peter: Right. Tallyho! (leaves)
Sean B.: Nobody will ever believe this.
Billy: Oh yes they will! I copied it onto a videotape!
Sean A.: Yess!
Billy: And it has all you guys on it, talking to them and everything.
(they shove the tape into the VCR)
Billy: I forgot to push the `record’ button.
Ian: FOOL of a Took!
Original story by Lothloriel
Screenplay by Ugluk and Lothloriel
Directed by Ugluk
Produced by Lothloriel
Executive Producer: Ugluk
Special thanks to….Peter Jackson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be continued in `The Two Towers’!