The Fellowship is camped for the night on the banks of the river Anduin…
Boromir: Minas Tirith is the safer road, you know this!
Sean B: Boromir-
Boromir: Shut up!
Boromir: You are afraid! For all your life you have hidden in the shadows, afraid of who you are, of what you are!
Sean B: Boromir, please–
Boromir: Leave me alone!
Sean B: Why don’t–
Aragorn: What the- he must have a magic ring too!
Viggo: What’s up?
Aragorn: Sean just vanished.
Viggo: Boromir Sean?
Frodo: Not only that, the Sam Sean just disappeared too!
Viggo: So now only me, Elijah, Dom, and Orlando are left. The four that girls go wild over.
Aragorn: Girls go wild over?
Viggo: Oh yes. Back where we come from, every girl in the world dreams of dreaming about Orlando.
Orlando: Oh, buzz off.
Legolas: What on Middle-earth?
Orlando: What power I have in my voice…
Yes indeed, Viggo had vanished. He appeared a moment later in the living room, just second after Seans A and B had shown up. They all quickly sit down and stare at the screen, as it shows the Fellowship (+3) paddling towards the Gates of Argonath…
Aragorn: Frodo-the Argonath.
Orlando: A lot more spectacular than the giant blue-screen that was there when we filmed this…
Legolas: What’s a blue-screen?
Orlando: A special technique used during filming. It’s a process where everything blue in the screen becomes transparent, as if it wasn’t there. Filmmakers can then splice it together with smaller models to create scenes that couldn’t actually exist, like us looking at the city of trees back in Lothlorien.
Legolas: Oh. I knew that.
The Fellowship banks on the Western shore, above the Falls of Rauros.
Aragorn: We cross the lake at nightfall. Hide the boats, and continue on foot. We approach Mordor from the north
Gimli: Oh yes? Just a simple matter of finding our way through Emyn Muil? An impassable labyrinth of razor-sharp rocks, and after that, it gets even better! Festering, stinking marshlands-
Dom: Where’s Elijah?
Merry: Where’s Frodo?
Orlando: You’d figure they’d have enough brains not to wander off–at least Elijah, anyway.
Actually, Frodo had wandered off, and Elijah had spotted him and went after him to protect him from Boromir. However, by the time he found him, he was already deep into the conversation with Boromir. Elijah then decides that since he knows Frodo will wiggle out of it, he should just stay away and not screw it up. After Frodo vanishes, Elijah puts on his own Ring (so he can see Frodo) and tails him up to the Summit of Amon Hen.
Aragorn: Frodo? Elijah?
Frodo: I’m Frodo. It has taken Boromir.
Aragorn: Where is the Ring?
Frodo: Stay away!
Elijah: Relax, Frodo, he’s okay.
Frodo: Are you sure?
Elijah: Not `whew’ by any stretch, because there are a large group of Uruk-hai bearing towards us at the moment…
Frodo: (half draws Sting)
Aragorn: Run! Both of you!
Frodo and Elijah flee into the trees. Aragorn draws his sword, strolls out in front of the Uruk-hai, and begins demonstrating just how good he is with his blade.
Once again, co-author credit to Ugluk, the Writing Uruk of Isengard!