Questions in the night – You ever only saw one…

by Aug 18, 2005Poetry

I wonder what I have been to him?
What did he think when I was born?
Was I even then sufficient for him?
He even named me his sufficient jewel
Was I ever his son in his eyes?
Ever I have only been in his way
And I have stood in the shadow
While my brother was all he could see
What was it I did to him?
Has he ever loved me
The way he loved my brother?
Did I ever make him proud
The way he was so proud of him?
I tried, father, I tried so hard!
I did my best!
But you never seemed to notice
You could only see one…

And I remember
The way you watched his every progress
Your eldest son, your firstborn
While I would stand and watch there in the shadows
And I only wanted to shout out
For your attention, my father, for your love
My own father
But a cold answer was all that was ever left for me
How can you not see me?

You never saw my pain
Or my loneliness
You never knew
You never knew me
You never saw my tears
But I am not a child any more, father
I will not cry any more
I see your mind now
We are different, father
And that was your reason?

You have never thought me strong enough
You already had a son
You never thought of me
Now there is only one
But I loved him also, father
Can I not grief as well?
He was my brother!

You say you wish that our places had been exchanged
That Boromir your son lived still
And that I had died
I would have gone, you know I would
I would have died in his stead if I could
And I have cried for him also
And now only grief and pain is left
And the world seems full of darkness

I will go on to do the duty of two sons now
You still have my love, father
For I pity you now
And you will have my love
I will prove my courage
I will go forth to die if I must, father
I will die for my City
And hope that one day you might see me too
But I will never hope to find your love


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