THE OSGILIATE DICTIONARY: VOLUME 2
A Guide to Tolkien Book and Movie Terms
Second Edition (June, 2004)
F: Fade-to-eagles – Froodo
fade-to-eagles (v.) to give every sign of dying, only then to be rescued by fabulous good fortune
fairamir (n.) A hapless gamer who cannot, despite her best efforts, attain Perfect Mode in the Lord of the Rings video games.
I can’t get these stupid combos to work! I am such a Fairamir. *throws controller across the room*
Falls of Rauros (colloq.) Moment of truth, time for decision.
Jill realised their relationship was at the Falls of Rauros; one more fight and she would have reached the eastern shore.
fangone (n.) 1. A slow moving section of a long movie, adding little to the action. Customarily used by fans for comfort breaks in the absence of an intermission.
During the fangone I looked around the theater to discover all the fangone to get more popcorn.
2. the state of being obsessed by one of the “Brothermirs”; to be beyond help.
“Run! She’s coming with her Sharpe DVDs!” make_it_stop yelled to sh_wulff and Farawen, “It’s too late for shieldmatron. She is too far fangone! Save yourselves!“
[Word and definition 1: Alberich. Usage 1: NazgulRus. Definition and usage 2: Texas-Hobbit]
fangorge (v.) To devour food with much rustling and heaving, leaving not a single trace afterwards.
faradeeming (v.) Starting out faramarred and then redeeming yourself to a point where all your past grievances are forgotten.
faradigm (n.) Completely consistent set of views with which to interpret Middle Earth.
For a brief moment the beacon scene opened a crack in his purist faradigm.
Farah-mir Fawcett (n.) A very bad idea involving David Wenham and 10 bottles of hairspray.
You can always count on Farah-mir’s hair to give a Mirkwooden performance.
faralysis (n.) Inability to decide whether Film Faramir is a good or bad thing; more generally inability to decide whether you are a purist, a revisionist, a pragmatist or an old tin can.
faramar (v.) to wrongly portray someone – once seen as brave, kind and heroic – in a bad light, making them appear less than the great person they are.
faramean (v.) to commit to something even when the consequences are life threatening.
I’m releasing the prisoners. I faramean it.
farameter (n.) A measure of the distance between opinions in debates on TORC.
He was several farameters more purist than she was.
faramint (n.) a breath freshener known to attract women of Rohan. See also boromint.
When Eowyn approached, the young Steward of Gondor popped a faramint in his mouth.
faramiracle (n.) An instant transformation: from lying on the floor charred and half-dead, to being perfectly healthy and hitched to some gal you’ve never met before. More generally used to validate missing scenes.
“What happened to Merry after the WiKi encounter?”
“Well, you see, there was this faramiracle…”
faramirage (n.) A character who is a mere phantom of his or her book self. By extension, someone who appears noble at first, but later devolves into a lesser, corrupt version.
I thought he was Mr. Right, but it turned out to be a faramirage.
fara-mirror (n.) Mirror that never makes you look good enough in your fathers eyes.
Faramir won back Osgiliath, rid the world of Orcs, and rebuilt Minas Tirith, but after looking in the fara-mirror he realized it would not please his father.
faramoan (v.) to clamor for the attention of an uncaring or preoccupied parent.
I wish my youngest would stop faramoaning and just do the dishes for once.
faramone (n.) A chemical substance that is produced by the second son of a Steward and serves esp. as a stimulus to other individuals (see Faramir swooners) for one or more behavioral responses. Synonym: boromones
The faramones stimulate discussion and general drooling in the Faramir thread.
faramongering (v.) plastering the message boards with images of David Wenham.
‘Your uncle is tired of your faramongering,’ said Grima to Eowyn, tearing posters off her bower walls.
farascination (n.) unhealthy interest in Denethors’s younger son.
fara-well (n.) “If I should return, think better of me.”
Fazgul (n.) (Australian fazzy, dim. of Faramir + Old Mordor gul, swooner) Faramir fans who have fallen under the dark dominion of the One Redhead. Also known as Wen-wraiths. See also Bozgul, Schnozgul, Eogul, Aragul, Orligul, Frodogul, etc.
The video store clerk crouched in fear as the cold shadow of the Fazgul passed by. What were they looking for? Earlier that morning, four mysterious halflings had rented the only copy of “Better Than Sex”. Was there a connection?
faz-ination (n.) derived from farascination, above. To be overly interested in something the way the Faz swooners are interested in Faramir. Sometimes mutates into “fazcintillating” in common speech.
Jim was fascinated with fractals, but Josh was faz-cinated with meerkats.
fell-bested (v.) of a situation where, just when you thought you were safely out of range of the enemy’s catapults, fate swooped in and brought you down in a rather showy, plummeting way. Should be uttered in a low snarl, so that its distant relationship to true curses can be inferred by the hearer.
I had that TORCie for Best Threadkiller all locked up until my strategy was totally fell-bested by that thread-bumping n00bie.
fell-mobile (n.) Any car that there’s a limited quantity of or is so expensive that you’d have to mortgage your children to have. These fell-mobiles are usually kinda ugly too, and people wonder “Why would anyone want this?” but have an intense urge to possess one . . . falls under the category as a Bling of Power.
fellowship (v.) to undertake a great mission, journey, quest . . . thing . . . where odds are you’re not going to make it.
I’m going to fellowship the Osgiliath Dictionary and make into a printable form.
The boys at the basketball game last night undertook a fellowship of a game.
fell’s whoop (n.) piercing cry, as of a skydiving fell beast.
When Jenny saw her boyfriend with another girl, she gave out a fell’s whoop and smacked him on the head with her purse.
fell swoop (n.) diversionary tactic used by flying Nazgul in the Great War.
The Eagle would have had him, but for the tricky fell swoop maneuver.
fifth gollumist (n.) Someone who keeps changing their mind over whether or not to betray his/her side in a war; a confused double agent
figwitness (n.) One who has beheld Figwit and feels compelled to testify. (v.) The act of proclaiming Figwit’s brief moment of glory to unbelievers.
“No, he really does exist,” Denise figwitnessed insistently. “He stood there and said `My lady, we cannot delay.’ I heard him.”
File of Galadriel (n.) Galadriel’s secret gift to Sam. “May it be an organizational tool to you in messy places.”
finrod (n.) a really hot amphibious vehicle favored by elf-lords of the First Age. Mithril detailing, powered by starlight, zero-emission, with a built-in Palantir.
firefoot (n.) Popular Rohirric prank involving a match, a hoof, and an unwary rider.
fletcherous (adj.) Coveting the Lothlorien tree-dwelling lifestyle.
I caught my fletcherous husband out in the woods with a hammer and some 2 x 4s.
flet-screen monitor (n.) a groundbreaking technology that shows things that are, things that have been, and some things that have not yet come to pass.
F-lo (n.) Mr. Baggin’s third cousin, twice removed who capitalized on Frodo’s fame to launch her singing career. [Full name: F-lo Largebottom].
Hobbiton’s gossip mill was given unending fodder by F-lo’s brief but intense romantic flings with every last bachelor of the Shire.
fly an eagle to Mt. Doom (v.) to cop out.
focus on the moth (v.) Look on the bright side of life.
Okay, so we’re upside down in a ditch with multiple internal injuries, and nuclear winter just started. Let’s focus on the moth.
force of hobbit (colloq.) 1. A peculiar condition suffered by fans of the Lord of the Rings movies who, being bereft of a new masterpiece to anticipate this winter, panic and latch onto any hyped-up film franchise in order to fill the emptiness. 2. Those darned Star Wars fans are mixing up fandoms again!
fordo (n.) someone who, at a place where they are particularly admirable and heroic, has their thunder cruelly stolen (usually by an arwen). NOTE: most people who are fordoed are then subjected to a terrible whitewash in soap-bubbles with really bad special effects.
frodafro (n.) Curly hairstyle favored by Shire hobbits. Var. `frodofro’
“I feel pretty,” thought Elijah, as the frodafro was applied to his head.
Synonym: fro-do (pr. Fro-dew) Love the fro-do, baby, much better than what that Farahmir Fawcett is wearing.
frodian slip (v.) To accidentally reveal your subconscious craving for the One Ring. Examples include inappropriate use of the word “precious”, and momentary fangs.
frodoath (n.) a PROMISE, Mr. Frodo, a PROMISE.
Sam’s frodoath to Gandalf was a tear-jerker.
frodocopy (n.) When one just isn’t good enough.
frodogenic (adj.) possessing a camera-friendly, classically beautiful face
Dozens of otherwise mature and sane TORC’ers morph into fangirls when exposed to the young hobbit’s frodogenic features.
frodoggerel (n.) Any poem containing the phrases “rilly-dilly”, “tra”, “Tomnoddy”, or “ya-harri-hey”.
froD’OH! (interj.) A major, world-ending screwup. The moment when you arrive in Mordor, and realize you accidentally left the One Ring on the nightstand at the Prancing Pony.
“Whoops”, said Ronald, pushing the red button. “I think I just committed a froD’OH.”
frodolent (adj.) having a hero/martyr complex.
McEnroe’s outburst had a frodolent quality.
frodolent preference (n.) A preference for Frodo above the other characters in fan proceedings.
frodolympic games; frodolympics (n.) Sacred games held in honor of the heroes of the War of the Ring, intended to promote international goodwill between the various human nations of Middle-earth. It was held every four years since FA 1896, in different cites around the world.
* It began with the famous beacon relay of the Frodolympic Flame, and included foot races, archery, gymnastics (jumping on horses), and weightlifting. The Games had their share of controversy. For instance, during the Dale 1978 Games, the entire contingent from Far Harad was disqualified for steroid use, and Far Harad declared war on Gondor. The Winter Games, which were held starting from FA 1924, featured shield-surfing.
frodometer (n.) instrument used to track the mileage of the Ringbearer.
“Frodo is now beyond my sight,” sighed Gandalf, “but according to this Frodometer he should be halfway across the plains of Gorgoroth.”
frodomino effect (n.) a chain reaction.
After the ring sank into the lava, the frodomino effect in Mordor was awesome to behold!
frodonner party (n.) when two unlikely things collide in a horrifying way.
It was like a frodonner party when that poor bird was sucked into a 747 jet engine.
frodonomics (n.) Economic system in which one good* has an almost infinite value. (*often round and shiny)
frodonym (n.) a non-sequitur of surpassing beauty and emotional power. frodonymous, frodonymize.
His declaration of love was a frodonym: it took me aback.
frodopolize (v.) to have ones thoughts suddenly occupied by LOTR at inopportune moments.
My thoughts were frodopolized for half an hour today at work. All I did was sit at my desk staring blankly into space.
frodosecond (n.) A distorted unit of screen time, far longer than a nanosecond. 1 frodosecond = 8 real-time seconds. Actions that are especially heightened or emotional are measured in frodoseconds.
For example, when a character languidly drops his sword, slumps against the wall, and whispers “I caaaan’t dooooo thissss, Sammmm”, 24 seconds elapse in audience time, but only 3 frodoseconds in cinematic time. The discrepancy occurs because the film is moving away from the viewer at the speed of light.
In common usage, frodoseconds are used to prolong or delay unpleasant events: I’ll take out the garbage in a frodosecond, honey.
frodosensitive (n.) Sam’s patiently gentle attitude towards his master.
frodo-si-do (v.) To climb on a table and spin around with your short, inebriated friend.
frodough (n.) It appears soft and malleable on the outside, but on the inside it is tough as a rock. Cannot be cooked, even when placed in the center of a hot lava stream.
frodoughnut (n.) 1. circular skid marks made on a roadway, usually by irresponsible youths.
Sam wasn’t sure, but from the Frodoughnuts appearing on the rock’s surface, he was sure Frodo was celebrating the claiming of the ring.
2. A special promo doughnut available at Dunkin Donuts with the release of ROTK. It was golden brown with fire-letter frosting. Best when heated. Mmm.
frodoze (n.) Substance taken by young hobbits on dangerous quests when sleep is not an option.
You got any Frodoze, dude? This ring assignment is gonna take me all night.
frodozoa (n.) Microscopic organisms that have accidentally come into contact with the Ring, and turned into bacteria-wraiths.
As he handed his master some lunch, Sam was unaware that an entire colony of frodozoa had just transferred onto his sandwich.
Frodyssey (n.) Sequel to the Ithiliad. The story of how Frodo got lost on the way back from Mordor, had many adventures, took ten years to get home and missed the last boat to the Blessed Lands. Can be used metaphorically as well, to mean any kind of exceptionally long osgiliation. Not to be confused with the Éodyssey.
frogone conclusion (n.) The Ring was always going to be destroyed. There was never really any question about it.
Frond (n.) Grond’s environmentally safe, all-natural, decomposible prototype.
froodo (n.) really amazingly together hobbit.
CONTRIBUTORS: Alberich, Amphiaraus, andurilwest, Axordil, Celebgalad, cuivienen7, ddraigwen, Edhelwen, Elfkin, eomer32, Farawen, Frelga, harpist_of_rohan, ichjua, Jnyusa, Lady_Niwella, Lee, Lembas_Junkie, make_it_stop, Mighty Squid, NazgulRus, PrincessFaz, Ravennelle, Saradoc, shieldmatron, sh_wulff, SonofShelob, soundtrackman, Stupid_Orcs, Teremia, Texas-Hobbit, TheLidlessEyes, Tulkas_The_Valiant, UienenMaia.