Mr. & Mrs. Black Rider – PART ONE

by May 5, 2004Other News


The witch king of Angmar was at the brink of setting out with his 8 undead buddies. The only thing that stood in the way of their departure were the Mrs.’s. Espcially the wife of the Head of the 9.
“Really Mr. Black Rider” she began, “I don’t know what it is about this Sauron character that intrigues you so. How long did you say you’ll be away?” ‘Mr. Black Rider’ as he had been called by the Mrs. stood staring for a moment at his wife. Now, so you can invision this situation in your head, the lady Ringwraiths basically looked just as the men did except that they were less bulky. However at this time Mrs. Black Rider was wearing a blazing white and pink sparkling blouse atop her black robes. If Mr. Black Rider had not been clad in robes you would have seen him blink confusedly.
“Dear, what are you wearing?” He asked in a seriously concerned manner.
“Oh, this? I took it from a Gondorian woman the other day. The others and I were bored so we decided to pilage in the white city”. Mr. Black Rider simply rolled his hidden eyes and said,
“It’s quite ridiculous really.”
“Well, I think it’s pretty and so do the others”, Mrs. Black Rider quickly retorted. He glanced at the other wives of his friends. All were dressed in the same shiny colored garb. He “psh’d” quietly and quickly kissed his wife good-bye as did the other 8. (I know it is hard to imagine a Black Rider kiss. It really looks more like their faces just touching, so now you can imagine). He went to walk out the door and get atop his grand, nasty, dirty, and of course black steed, but however, Mrs. Black Rider hollared after him,
“I’ve saddeled up Frank for you just the way you like him”.
“Frank?” Mr. Black Rider questioned in a distressed voice, “You named him?!”
“Well of course darling. What do you call him? Horse?” Mr. Black Rider stayed silent and frowned. She waved toodaloo merrily and he walked out the door with a slight wave and slumped shoulders.
“Love love!” She called out as the great stone door shut behind him.


While the 9 made their last minute preparations for hunting down the Hobbit named Baggins they had heard of from that creep Gollum, all of them spoke of their odd Gondorian clothing clad wives. “Can you beleive them all? We’re supposed to be against Gondor and their wearing their clothing!” Mr. Black Rider was obviously quite heated.
“They don’t even use fabric softener…” #4 said in a serious tone. The others just stared blankly at him.
“Um, who cares?” #8 said.
“…me.” #4 said, once again, dead serious. “It makes my robes flow better in the wind when I ride”.
“…OooooK. Back to business” Mr. Black Rider continued, “We’ll have to make sure someone watches those 9 while we’re away. I mean really guys, she named my brillant steed!” He complained.
“Yeah, my wife named mine too”, #3 said, “He’s now called ‘Clarence’. Couldn’t it have been something more warriorish? Like, oh, i dunno, ‘Morwajer’??” The others didn’t say anything, they thougjust kinda ignored #3. He tended to say some odd things sometimes.
“Well, how many of you now have horses with names?” Mr. Black Rider asked. All of them raised their hands. “Ugh”. he muttered. “Anyway, we’ve got things to do!”
There was silence for a few minutes as the Ringwraiths got everything set to go. Once they were mounted Mr. Black Rider, er- excuse me, Captian Black Rider, Witch King of Agmar, spoke, “Onward boys! The time draws near!” This all was spoken in a very deeply exaggerated, brave voice, “If we don’t capture Baggins all is done for! Onward for Sauron!” The others kind of stared blankly for a moment then #6 said,
“Um, there’s no need for a grand speech or anything”. Mr./Captain/Witch cleared his throat afterwards saying,
“Er-sorry. Got caught up in the moment there. Sauron always gets to do that. My bad”. The Riders then rode off into the black night on their quest for Baggins. At this point they all got a little tipsy in their excitement. You see, for a Black Rider a chase is an incredibly exhilarating thing. It’s almost like giving a street bum some cheap Thunderbird alcohol or giving cat nip to a kitten. Crazyness is one way to describe it. So as they began galloping along they all began shouting in quick rapid lines, “Baggins Baggins Baggins!” “Hobbiton! Hobbiton! Gotta go to Hobbiton!” “Baggins, off to find Baggins yes yes yes!” Although the riders could not see exactly where they were going, (the robes covering their faces kind of prohibited the use of vision) they had an extremely good sense of smell, not to mention if the ring was being worn by anyone, they had this magnetic sense to go to it. So, despite the fact they were virtually blind, their other senses remedied that.


The Mrs. of each of the Mr. Black Rider’s, all 9 of them mind you, all busied themselves sewing new robes or baking delicious food for the orcs that worked at the place. They all knew that their husbands would do well on their new mission, but of course they worried about their safety. “I do declare”, Mrs. Black Rider spoke up, “I don’t know about the whole horses thing. Isn’t this the first time they’ve actually allowed the horses to be their sole means of travel on a journey?”
“Yes, it is,” Mrs.#5 said, “And frankly i’m worried about it. They’d be much safer on their flying winged creatures”.
“I wish that we had been allowed to go,” Mrs.#7 said, “They won’t have a good home cooked meal for many many months.”
“How long did they say they’d be gone again?” Mrs. Black Rider asked, “I don’t believe Mr. Black Rider ever answered me…”
Mrs.#6 sighed and said, “Oh, I think it’ll be a while. But what’s awhile when you’re immortal?” The others nodded in agreement, being immortal did have it’s advantages. “What will they do without us though?” She continued, “You know those wraiths, they’re such babies when it comes to doing things for themselves”.
“Unless of course it’s hunting something down, killing something, or trying to find that ring of Mr. Sauron’s,” piped in Mrs. Black Rider in huff. She was definitley the most talkative and impulsive of the Mrs.’s. “I think we should each write our dear husbands a letter every week until they return, don’t you think that’d be a fine idea?” The other ladies quickly agreed that it was a marvelous idea, and they were sure that they could find some creature around to fly the letters over to the kings wherever they were. Mrs. Black Rider thought, “Ah, what a good thing. Mr. Black Rider will be so glad to hear from me while he’s away. He must be missing me terribly right now….”


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