An Aussie in King Aragorn’s Court ~ Chapter 1 ~ Meeting On Caradhras.

by May 4, 2004Coralie's Corner

After much deliberation following the requests and suggestions of members at this site, I have decided to publish my own story in my very own corner. This should make it easier to manage and locate for those interested. Here’s the first chapter. Remember I said it was little? Well only 40 more to go so far… and counting!

I hope you enjoy the Ultimate 10th Walker.

Cheers

LadyC

Chapter 1

Meeting on Caradhras


Am I mad everyone????

I just can’t get enough of TTT or LOTR …I’ve seen TTT 8 times now and am going to watch it again tonight…(You can add ROTK to the list now).

I think I’ve fallen in love with Eomer…No Aragorn…No Legolas…..No wait Faramir, No I mean Boromir too…….

AAAAIIIII!!!! I’m a hopeless romantic.

I don’t mind sharing with you all my daydreams I have whils’t riding the ski lift at Vail…

It is a long ride up you know…and I must pass the time…..

I daydream mostly about being transported into Middle Earth whils’t I’m gliding down on my skis through some wonderful open portal (like the way to Narnia…just through a gap in the trees) and suddenly appearing in front of a band of Uruk Hai on the slopes of Caradhras…….I go into full extreme mode and ski like lightning, full bore, all the way down with the orcs giving chase…Of course they can’t keep up…and then I do a spectacular jump over the heads of the Fellowship, who go “What the %&*#@?” as I sail over head screaming “Orcs behind!” …The Uruk Hai then turn up and Aragorn and Co make short work of them as they have been forewarned, by the

magical skiing lady overhead .


A strange sight for Middle Earth eyes.

I then take off my skis and whack a few of them over their heads…..skewer others with my poles…….

Of course the Fellowship don’t know what to make of me…..here is this strange woman in their midst dressed in even stranger garb with very strange weapons (skis and poles)….


Gandalf: I think there is some strange magic afoot here!!!!

Boromir: What new devilry is this?????

Sam: Is that Gollum??????

Coralie: I certainly am not Gollum, Samwise Gamgee….. Can’t

you see that I’m a girl????? (removing my headband

revealing my blonde, red, brown hair in all its glory!!!)

Frodo: How do you know his name?

Coralie: I know all your names, Master Frodo son of Drogo! (now how

do I know that??????)

Frodo: Gasp!!!!!!

Pippin: I rather fancy her coat!!!

Merry: What’s she wearing on her eyes??????????

Legolas: Such strange garb…..Perhaps she is of Elven kind, but

I have never seen her like before!!!!

Gimli: Well she certainly made short work of that Orc! That is a

formidable weapon she wields…….even if she is a woman!


Aragorn: Lady, we are forever in your debt…(swoon, swoon)……

But, from whence did you come…..and how?????? (looking up

at the mountain, I just skied down on and then at my gear)

Gandalf: Methinks, that this will be a long tale in the telling…..

but we have no time at present for long explanations….

We have received aid in time unlooked for…..

As strange as you may appear, I sense that there is no evil

in you, and that the Valar have sent you here on winged feet

….perhaps you were mean’t to play a part in our quest….

Lady, I think we should welcome you to our Fellowship……

Gimli: What! A woman? Never heard of such a thing!!!!!!

Coralie: Now don’t go getting your knickers in a knot

Gimli, Son of Gloin….I have no idea how I got here

myself. Maybe I hit a tree and am dreaming all of this! I

was just minding my own business, cruising down

China Bowl, carving a few turns, when …..Voila!

I ski into a bunch of Uruk Hai. One minute I’m in Vail

….the next thing I’m on the slopes of Caradhras, going

for it hell bent for leather!!!!!!! Making my very own

Warren Miller film!!!! Stone the Crows!!! My poor foofer

valve can’t take much more of this mate! What’s more….

where I come from…women have had the vote for ages mate

and you should mind your p’s and q’s in the future…..

Gimli: P’s! Q’s! Hell bent for leather! Mate! What strange

speech! I’m not even sure this is a woman Gandalf!

No woman has ever dared speak in such a bold manner before!!!!

Hrumpphh!!

Pippin: What’s she saying???? Cruising? Voila? Carving turns?????

Merry: I don’t know Pip, but it sounds very interesting……

Legolas: Lady, I am very concerned about your poor foofer

valve….We Elves have much knowledge of the healing arts…

Do not worry about the crows.The crebain have flown back

to their master Saruman. There is no need to stone them

For my part, if Mithrandir has invited you to be a part of

our Fellowship, then part of the Fellowship you shall be!

(stern look towards Gimli)

Coralie: Cool!

Aragorn: Are you cold M’Lady?

Legolas: … and never let it be said that the Elves were ungracious

towards a lone woman in the wilderness….

Aragorn: Never have I seen such bravery and mystery at one time…

You are most welcome Lady….

Boromir: Well spoken Aragorn. The men of Gondor are ever gracious

toward the fairer sex as are the Elves (looking at

Legolas)…..but what does the Ring Bearer say?

Frodo: She seems fair and not foul to me….More fair than you

seemed at the Prancing Pony Aragorn, (little wink at Aragorn)

and you came to our aid too unlooked for as she certainly

has……

If Gandalf says the Valar have sent her?…….I would not

disagree with him.

Legolas: (Taking me by the arm) Now Lady, I am very concerned

about your foofer valve….Tell me…where does it

hurt? (double swoon)

Legolas is holding Lady Coralie’s hand aka known as the Ski Queen 🙂

and looking at her anxiously………

Legolas: Now Lady, you are strange to look upon, but you cannot be so

very different from Men, even though you are a member of the

fairer sex. Tell me about this foofer valve of yours, for I

am wholly unacquainted with it…..pardon my ignorance on

this matter……but is it too delicate to mention??????

Coralie: (Eyes wide…trying desperately not to laugh) Sir Elf,

you are very kind to ask about my foofer valve, but you

need trouble yourself no further on my account…..I was

simply referring to my heart…..

Legolas: (Alarmed) Your Heart! What has it been pierced by an Orc’s

arrow….let me see!

Coralie: No! No! Silly. Nice idea though! I mean’t I got quite a

shock to find myself suddenly here in Middle Earth! But if you

keep holding my hand and looking at me like a sick puppy, I’ll

lay you tens that Cupid will shoot me in the heart instead!!!

Legolas: (Suddenly springing to his feet) Where is this Cupid? He’ll

be dead before he can draw arrow from quiver!

The others spin around looking for another Orc (or Cupid) to slay,

swords drawn…..

Coralie: OMG! It’s moments like these you need Minties!

An Aussie in America…food for thought


Gandalf: (Eyeing the ski queen from head to toe) Calm yourselves!

There is no danger here that I perceive, but rather a

misunderstanding of sorts. My Lady, it would appear that

not only your sudden arrival, and strange appearance

and weapons have taken us aback, but your speech

also is strange to our ears. Tell me….By what name are you

known?

Coralie: Well I’d really like to say my name was Picabo Street, but

you may call me Coralie if you like.

Legolas: Coralie…It is a melodious name…..Almost Elvish….Are

you sure you’re not Elvish?

Coralie: Yes Legolas, I’m sure I’m not Elvish, but I do have a

smattering of blue blood if that counts for

anything, I even may have a bit of convict blood too if I’m

lucky! …Coralie is French and means prettiness of coral.

(I rather like my name, it was entirely my Mother’s idea)

Aragorn: What is coral?

Gandalf: I do believe that coral is a rock from the sea that

possesses many beauteous colours. It is found in the Southron

regions.

Coralie: Well, you’re partially right Gandalf. Corals are actually

tiny plant like creatures that depend on clean water and sunlight

in order to survive. Coral reefs are actually composed of tiny

organisms called polyps. The skeleton of a polyp is a simple

combination of epidermis and gastroepidermis. This is called a

corallite. There are two types of of corals; perforate (which

consist of porous skeletons) and imperforate (which have solid

skeletons). These corals are typically carnivorous, feeding

on small particles floating in the water….

Pippin: EEEWWWW!

Coralie: …They are found in most tropical and sub tropical oceanic

regions of the world and their skeletons form limestone when

they die…..but you are quite correct Gandalf, to say that they are

beautiful to look upon.

Sam: Carnivorous plants! Skeletons! I told you she had something

to do with Orcs. I don’t like this one bit Mr. Frodo!

Frodo: Does this creature move and what does it look like?


Coralie: No Frodo. It does not move save to sway in the ocean’s

currents.It is more like a flower I guess. A flower that

grows in the sea.

Legolas: Lady, this is very intriguing……

Samwise: She said she has a smattering of blue blood…See! I

tell you she has something to do with the orcs!

Frodo: Hush now Sam! Gandalf seems to approve of her, and that’s

all right with me.

Aragorn: What does this blue blood mean Lady?

Coralie: Listen Aragorn. If we’re going to knock around with each

other then you should call be by my name and not by ‘Lady”

even though I must admit that I rather like the sound of it.

Blue blood means that I’m descended from royalty. My great,

great grandfather was a French Count, a grandson of king

Louis the XIV of France (Born on the wrong side of the sheets

if you get my meaning). Although I am a sixth generation

Australian which means I probably have a spot of convict in me

as well!

The hobbits look at the ski queen dumbfounded.

Merry: Where is France?

Pippin: What’s an Australian?

Sam: Convict….doesn’t sound too good to me!

Coralie: An Australian is a bloody good sort, that’s what! And France

is a country in Europe, wherever the hell that may be at

the moment. Actually Middle Earth could be Old Europe in

ancient times come to think of it? How come you can

understand me?????? We seem to speak the same language…

Boromir and Gimli raise their eyebrows at each other. Gandalf nods

approvingly.

Aragorn: Then indeed, you are a Lady, Coralie…(he stoops to one knee

taking her hand in his, kissing her Marmot Ultimate Women’s Ski gloved

hand)…And I can assure you that I would never knock you about…..

Coralie: Oh my heart be still! (she drops in a mock faint to the

ground)

Aragorn: Lady!

Coralie: Don’t get your knickers in a twist now! I’m perfectly

alright. All this testosterone is making me light headed!

Boromir: (with water skin in hand) Here Lady. I see you are in need of

refreshment.

Coralie: Thanks. My throat was drier than a bull’s bum going up a hill

backwards…..

Gimli: BBBAAAWWWAAAAHHHHAAAA! She may be alright after all!

Merry: (giggling) What a thing to say!

Coralie: Call it my royal prerogative! Hang around some more with me

and your ears will burn!

Pippin: What’s testosterone?

Coralie: Never mind!

Gandalf: Well Lady Coralie, since that is what you would have us

call you…What is this Australia that you speak of?

Coralie: Well, I come from Australia, otherwise known as the Land of

Oz, or the Great Southern Land, or Land of the Southern Cross

and …….I think I’m from the future!

Sam: See, she’s a Southron! Why should we trust her!!!!

Gandalf: Samwise Gamgee! This is some other land that this Lady refers to.

Have you ever seen a Southron? They are dark,

with dark hair and eyes. Does she look dark to you? What

colour is her hair?

Sam: ….. Well I can’t really tell. She has stripes of

gold and red and brown….It’s not natural and no mistake!

Coralie: Honey, I’ll have you know that I paid a good deal of money

to my hairdresser to make my hair look natural thank

you very much…it was done with foils and is the

latest fashion where I come from.

Sam: Foils? I’ve never heard of hair being done with swords before…

Legolas: Come Sam. This is no way for a hobbit of the Shire

to talk to a Lady. Besides, I think her hair is

interesting to look at. It is short, but pretty

nevertheless.

Gimli: Well said elf!

Coralie: Why thank you. I think that was a compliment of sorts.

Frodo: (frowning a bit at Sam) Coralie, I think your hair is nice

even though I don’t understand how it could be done with

swords, or foils as you put them. But come. Let us see your

eyes, so we may know if you speak the truth or not. What

is this strange covering you have upon them?

Coralie: (removing her sunnies) Why certainly Frodo. Here ya go mate.

They are called sunnies or sunglasses. They are made to

protect your eyes from the sun. Especially up here in the

snow. Snow blindness can be a pain in the arse! Try them on

if you like…they won’t bite!

Merry: She has blue eyes!

Coralie: Yes…Just like most of you in the Fellowship…so I should fit

right in.

Sam: My eyes are green!

Gandalf: That’s because you’re the jealous type, Samwise Gamgee!

Sam looks very embarrassed by this little home truth.

Frodo handles the sunglasses gingerly in his hands. He puts them on;

Frodo shadesFrodo shades

Frodo: Oh My! Everything looks clear but dim. I can’t

describe it.

Coralie: Hey Frodo! You look pretty cool mate!

Aragorn: Cool? This is the 2nd time you have mentioned you were cold.

Yes night is comingon….May I suggest that we seek some

shelter ere nightfall? I would very much like to converse with this

lady further,

but we must not stay in the open much longer.

Tell me Lady Coralie.

Were there any other orcs you spied on the mountain

other than the ones slain here?

Coralie: They were the only ones I saw, and they scared the heck out

of me as it was.

Gandalf: Aragorn is right. We cannot linger here much longer. We have

a long way to go off this mountain. Let us make for those

trees down below and make camp. Then we can talk some more

about your strange comings and goings Lady Coralie. I would like to

find out more about you and your homeland and what you know

of our quest…

Coralie: I know more than you realise Gandalf, but somehow I seem to

be forgetting as well. I know all of your names, and

something of your quest, but everything else is very faint.

I don’t understand…

Gandalf: I think I do. Now let us make for those trees whils’t there

is still light.

Coralie: (recovering her skis and poles)

I can ski down if you like and check it out. I wouldn’t mind

carving some fresh powder!

Gandalf: If that is what you were doing with those long poles on your

feet, that would be a new thing to see. Most amusing and I’ve

had little to amuse me of late. But I fear for your safety

We do not know what may be down there.

Legolas: Gandalf is right, Lady. You cannot go alone and unescorted.

I will accompany you.

Coralie: How can you do that? I’ve only got one pair of skis here

and I don’t reckon I can carry you.

Legolas: I am of Elven kind and tread lightly upon this earth. I would

like to experience this skiing. It is a new thing to me and

I could use some amusement too. However brief.

Aragorn: Legolas is right. You cannot go alone.

Coralie: Okay Legolas. How are we going to do this then?

Legolas: I will stand behind you if you permit?

Coralie puts on her skis and takes her poles in hand. The Fellowship

look on in wonder as she picks up her Northface Chilkats backpack,

slinging it over her shoulder:

Coralie: Climb aboard Legolas…this is going

to be interesting. Never had a passenger before. I can see

a face plant coming on.

Aragorn: Legolas. See those trees down there…Scout them out, but

be on guard.

Coralie: Ready?

Legolas: (Stepping on the skis from behind and placing his hands

around Coralie’s waist)…With your permission M’Lady?

Coralie: OMG! I think I’ve died and gone to heaven!

………..

1/1/2003

Glossary of Australian Terms:

(In other words…..A translation)

Full Bore pretty fast…flat out actually!

Knickers in a knot/twist get upset

Hell bent for leather pretty fast again!

P’s & Q’s manners

Stone the crows! expression of surprise/wonder/amazement

Foofer Valve an undesignated part of the body or some machine

or engine that is prone to breaking down

Lay you tens wager with someone

Knock around with hang out with….

Good sort attractive/likeable/honest

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Found in Home 5 Reading Room 5 Coralie's Corner 5 An Aussie in King Aragorn’s Court ~ Chapter 1 ~ Meeting On Caradhras.

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