The Umbrellaship of the Ring--Part One of Many

Opening into a field dotted with field-type flowers, there is a hobbit-type creature skipping through the grass, happily singing hobbit nonsense songs. The background music amplifies the entire oblivious and happy mood of the entire scene- tall grass, sheep in the distance, and a very happy hobbit. Until…


The hobbit has crossed the field and was approaching the road, when to his complete surprise, he ran into a very large wagon. He was just so
completely obliviously happy he didn’t notice it. A large face, nearly hidden by an equally large hat from Disney World, with Goofy ears on the sides and the Goofy face on front on its head, glanced over the side of the wagon.

“Oh- it’s just you, Frodo. I was worried that I might have hurt a smart hobbit of some sort. Thank goodness it’s only a dim-witted hobbit.” The face,
which actually belonged to a wizard by the name of Gandalf, chuckled and disappeared back on the other side of the wagon. Frodo heard a slap of reins, and the wagon creaked and moved on its merry way. Finally able to stand up after about two hours, Frodo walked down the road to his hobbit-hole. The sun was setting, and as he neared Bag End, he saw that smoke was rising out of the short chimney. When he closed the door, he yelled, “Uncle Bilbo! I’m back!” and walked into the kitchen.

To his profound confusion, he saw not Bilbo, but Gandalf. Having forgotten the earlier event of the day, he greeted the wizard cheerily by
jumping into his arms... The wizard pushed him to the floor and took a giantswig of some liquid out of a glass on the table. Frodo jumped up, brushed himself off, and sat down. “Where’s Bilbo? I thought he was around here somewhere!”

“Bilbo has gone away... He didn’t like you very much and he is quite tired with having to take care of you, you miserable delinquent. I don’t blame him at all for leaving- in fact, I’m quite surprised he was able to put up with you all these years. The only reason he took you in in the first place-”

“What?? He’s not here? But then we have no excuse to have a party! We can’t have a party if he’s not here!!” Frodo jumped up, thoroughly agitated.
“Bring him back, Gandalf! Please him back!!! I WANT A PARTY!! “Frodo screamed and cried and threw a general tantrum until Gandalf slapped him. He kept crying, now on the floor. *cue music... “It’s not my party but I’ll cry if I want to...”

To be continued...

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