The Truth Behind LotR - What are the TRUE facts behind Lotr?

Tolkien is a Fairbairn. Come as a surprise? Probably not. You see, Sam's daughter Elanor married Fastred of Greenholm and became a Fairbairn. Her children had children and so on and so forth, until John Tolkien's mother, herself a Fairbairn still, married Mr. Tolkien.

As we all know, I'm sure, the Red Book of Westmarch was passed down to Elanor, and down through her line. By the time it reached John Tolkien, it was torn and yellowed and crumbled. Although Tolkien's Westron was barely intelligible at best, he set out to translate the first section of the Red Book, There and Back Again: A Hobbit's Tale.

He made several mistakes, naturally, thus the slight 'silliness' of The Hobbit. But he got better towards the end.

When he was finished, he decided to start work on The Downfall of the Lord of the Rings and the Return of the King. This took him much longer, but his toil was rewarded by a unexpected surprise.

In the very back of the Red Book, there was a sheet of paper filled with Elanor Fairbairn's delicate hand. It told of secret documents that were hidden away in a place not far from Tolkien's home.

The chest, when opened, reveald many old tomes and volumes. A few were as follows: The Lay of Luthien, Of Fëanor and the Silmarils, Turin Turambar, The War of the Valar and Morgoth, and many others. Some, alas, were crumbled beyond repair, thus they are incompleted in The Lays of Beleriand, and Unfinished Tales.

Alas, the Red Book was destroyed by constant reference to it, and the rest of the volumes gone beyond recall or desire. Tolkien took the secret of their whereabouts with him to the grave.

"But Lothloriel," I hear you asking, "how do you know this? I thought it was a work of fiction!"

My dear reader, that is a secret which, if I let out, I would richly deserve to be subjected to Mordor's worst 'devices to loosen the lying tongue'. Let's just say that I have my sources.

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