THE LORD OF THE RINGS SKETCH SHOW!!! - Part Three!!!!!

PREVIOUSLY ON 'THE LORD OF THE RINGS'........


FRODO- We'll have to go back for them! we can't just leave them there - I thought it was a bit quiet!

LEGOLAS- Go back! Are you kiding! I have just washed my hair - no way am i going back to Moria - its so dirty and full of those filthy, smelly Orcs!

BORIMIR- Yeah and the people there are soooo common! I mean have you heard the way they speak - it's just terrible!

ARAGORN- Oh Hell! Lets just forget them!

FRODO- We cant!! Besides in the next book you've gotta go save em from Orcs - and you can't go saving Hobbits that arn't there can you??

ARAGORN- Yeah I guess you're right...that Tolkien Dude will get suspicious!

LEGOLAS- Oh do we have to!!??

FRODO- Yes!
**************************************************

Later that day.....

FRODO- Ewwwww! What's that awful smell?? It smells like....like....TURNIPS?!

BORIMIR- Turnips?

FRODO- Yeah - turnips....and brussel sprouts....Oh Gandalf! You didn't!

GANDALF- Me?? Oh how could you think that I could commit such a foul crime??

FRODO- Gandalf!

GANDALF- Oh alright it was me! Got a problem with that?

LEGOLAS- Well YES!! I'm now down to my last peanut butter sandwhich thanks to your rather unwanted present....

ARAGORN- Like will ya shut up,Dude! I'm trying to listen for Orcs - you like never know if they're watching you......listning to your every like word.....

(Legolas,Sam,Frodo,Borimir and Gandalf all stare at Arargorn - totally gob smaked)

LEGOLAS- This is turning out to be a very weird day. I mean that was probably the weirdest line Arargorn is ever going to say in this script - I mean he sounds so....so...

FRODO- Weird?

LEGOLAS- Yeah! That's the word I was looking for!

SAM- No, No!! He's not weird.....he's INSANE!!!!

BORIMIR- Hello?? I want to say something now!!!

GANDALF- Do you have to?? I mean you do tend to make soooooo much noise!

BORIMIR- I've barely said any lines!

GANDALF- Exactly - and looks what it's doing to me! I think I can feel one of my headaches coming on....

FRODO- Oh go on! Let him say something!

BORIMIR- Thank you! Now......Oh Damn - I've forgotten what I wanted to say!

GANDALF- Give it a couple of weeks - it should come back to you by then.

BORIMIR- Thanks for the good advice Gandalf - ill do that!

FRODO- Ewwwwwwww! What's that horrid smell??

LEGOLAS- Gandalf? Isn't it time for you to confess - AGAIN!

GANDALF- It wasn't me!!! REALLY.......IT WASN'T!

FRODO- Nope it's not him.....this time it smells like.....like.....cheese?!

BORIMIR- CHEESE??

LEGOLAS- Hey is it just me - or is this kinda a repeat of what just happened a minute ago?

GANDALF- Ehh?

ARAGORN- I like knew it,Dude! Legolas you really are phsyic! And you think I'm weird!

LEGOLAS- Oh dear......

SAM- Like I said before he's not weird....he's INSANE!

FRODO- Yes thank you Sam....we get the picture!

GANDALF- Look we're kinda losing the plot here. Can we just go back to the Cheese part?

FRODO- Ok good idea - I was kinda getting confused.....

( And so, because the writer of this script is soooooo nice, they did just that)

FRODO- Ewwwwwwww! What's that horrid smell??

LEGOLAS- Gandalf? Isn't it time for you to confess - AGAIN!

GANDALF- It wasn't me!!! REALLY.......IT WASN'T!

FRODO- Nope it's not him.....this time it smells like.....like.....cheese?!

BORIMIR- CHEESE??

(And now back to the present)

FRODO- Thank you! Now I know where we are in the story - good thinking Gandalf!

GANDALF- Why thank you Frodo! Now, concentrate we're losing the plot again.....

LEGOLAS- Arn't we always.....

GANDALF- What was that?

LEGOLAS- Nothing!

BORIMIR- Anyway...CHEESE?

FRODO- Yes...cheese...i fact it's more like cheesey feet...

ARAGORN- Like ewwwwww, Dude!

(A scream of laughter comes from the forest on their right)

SAM- What was that???

FRODO- I don't know - but I guess we'll have to find out...

SAM- Why?

FRODO- It's here in the script, see?

(Please excusse Frodo and Sam for a minute, while they get the story straight)

SAM- Ahhhhhh yes! Right I see!

LEGOLAS- Do we have to?Like I said before - ive only just washed my hair and...

GANDALF- Shut it! Look Frodos' the one with the script so if he says we go into the forset ( possibly to our doom) then we go into the forest - GOT IT SUNSHINE!!!

LEGOLAS- Ummmmmm yep - loud an clear.....old buddy....

GANDALF- Oi! Less of the Old please...

( And so the brave heroes make they're way through the forest, following the sounds of the occasional burst of lasughter, coming from within...)

FRODO- Hey I know this isn't very relevent to the story so far...but I just feel I have to say that those were very touching words Mr. Person in the Brackets.

(Why thank you Frodo! But your right it's not relevent to the story and it's MRS. Person in the Brackets.)

FRODO- Oh sorry....

LEGOLAS- Quick look over there!

(Legolas pushes the rest of them behind a tree and points towards a clearing in the woods)

ARAGORN- Like whooo,Dude it's a fire!

LEGOLAS- Yeah and whoever has lit is sure needs something to cure those Cheesey feet!

FRODO- I wonder who it is?? You don't think they've got Merry and Pippin captive there do you??

( yet another burst of laughter comes from the small camp)

GANDALF- Hey wait a minute - that sounds like....

FRODO- But it can't be....

ARAGORN- Like,Dude, is it....

BOROMIR- NO.....wait who exactly are we talking about here??

FRODO- IT'S GIMLI!!!

LEGOLAS- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SAM- Oh great it's yet another insane person back in the Fellowship!

LEGOLAS- Wait, you guys arn't thinking of letting him back in the Fellowship are you? I mean we made a vote!

FRODO- Oh stop complaining Legolas...come on guys!

( They race towards the clearing, dragging Legolas from the tree he had seemed to have latched on to)

LEGOLAS- NOOOOO! PLEASE! SAVE ME!!

FRODO- GIMLI!!!!!!

(Gimli emerges from the bushes, looking slightly drunk)

GIMLI- Frodo?? FRODO!!!

FRODO- Gimli! how are you?? We're sorry we kicked you out of the Fellowship - honest...

GIMLI- No problem - in fact you changed my life. I am a new Dwarf with a purpose..

ARAGORN- So your not gay anymore,Dude?

GIMLI- Oh yeah I'm still gay, but I'm now a free living, Greenpeace supporting gay dwarf! Oh wait...yes...LEGOLAS!!!

LEGOLAS- Oh crap he's seen me...

GIMLI- How are you? hmmmm are you still single?

LEGOLAS- Aragorn save me!!

ARAGORN- Like Dude, I'm sorry but you're on your own....I don't like getting involved in domestics...

LEGOLAS- Ok fine....Gandalf - my dear old...I mean young pal!

GANDALF- Nope sorry mate - I'm with Aragorn.....

LEGOLAS- CRAP!!! Ummmmmm Sam?

SAM- No!! You're INSANE!!

LEGOLAS- Fine.....Frodo?

FRODO- Sorry....I still think you two would make a good couple...

GIMLI- Did ya hear that Leggy - a good couple!

LEGOLAS- CRAP CRAP CRAP......Borimir!!!

BORIMIR- Me?? Oh I don't know.....It looks a bit too complicated. I think I'll have to give it a miss - I'm still trying to remember what I was going to say.....

LEGOLAS- What?? Oh Hell! Where are Merry and Pippin when I need them?

(Suddenly they hear Tarzan sound affects and Merry and Pippin swing down from the trees)

MERRY- TAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR DAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!

PIPPIN- What an entrance eh?

GANDALF- Oh God!

MERRY- Legolas what can we do to help? Hey Pippin -isn't that Gimli?

PIPPIN- Do you know something Merry - I do beleive it is!!

MERRY- GIMLI!!!

PIPPIN- GIMLI!!!

LEGOLAS- Hey wait a minute - I thought you two hated him too - you voted him out of the Fellowship!

PIPPIN- Yeah well, it was just an immdeiate reaction - I mean we'd never met a GAY DWARF before had we Merry?

MERRY- Oh no Pippin! We hadn't! You can't blame us for the way we reacted!

LEGOLAS- NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! This can't be happening!!


WILL GIMLI BE WELCOMED BACK INTO THE FELLOWSHIP?WILL LEGOLAS EVER RECOVER?WILL WE EVER KNOW JUST HOW MERRY AND PIPPIN ESCAPED AND ENDED UP SWINGING FROM TREES LIKE TARZAN?WILL BORIMIR EVER REMEMBER WHAT HE WAS GOING TO SAY?WILL WE EVER FIND OUT THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE FOREST AND CHEESEY FEET?WILL ARAGORN STILL THINK LEGOLAS IS PHYSIC?WILL FRODO KEEP COMPLIMENTING THE PERSON IN BRACKETS?WILL SAM STILL THINK EVERYONE IS INSANE?WILL GANDALF KEEP HAVING BAD EXPERIENCES WITH TURNIPS AND BRUSSEL SPROUTS?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON 'THE LORD OF THE RINGS'..........


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