Orphan Eyes - Never Been Kissed
Never Been Kissed
It was the afternoon after the day of Renia's death. Maegwen and the others were back at the castle, but none seemed more sorrowful than she did. Maegwen was in her room, in no mood to go out or to look for Gollum, even though she felt obliged to help Thranduil's folk. She sat in a ball on her bed, silent and sorrowful. She had loved that horse so. It was like her best friend, next to Figwit. Gilgnalad urged her to get over the death, but Figwit seemed to understand. He always did. He always made things better.
"Maegwen?" he asked. He was standing at the doorframe, looking upon her gently.
"May I come in?"
"You do not need to ask." Maegwen said softly. Figwit walked over, and sat on her bed.
"Do you wish to return to Imladris now?" he asked, putting a hand on hers. Maegwen looked at him, unsure.
"No. I think we should at least find which way Gollum has gone. We owe them that much. They have been so kind." She said with a small smile. Figwit nodded.
"I understand." Neither of them talked for a while, and they sat there, the sun setting, the sky growing a beautiful orange tint. "We will be heading out tomorrow early. Are you going to come along?"
Maegwen sighed. She had to get over this. Renia would have died anyway, and it was better to give the orcs a good run than to grow old and tiered in the stables of Imladris. Renia had had a good life.
"Yes. I shall." Maegwen said at last. Figwit held her in his arms until night came.
"Figwit?" Maegwen asked quietly, tugging on his arm. She looked around and her skin crawled. She wanted to run away. "I want to go back. I'm scared."
The scene was pretty frightening. Trees burnt down, ripped out of the ground, the bodies of dead orc littering the forest floor. There was smoke rising from the ground the more they drew south. It was evident they were growing closer to Dol Guldur.
"We are too far South now to go back." Figwit said. "Do not worry. I shan't let anything harm you." And he gave an encouraging smile. Maegwen nodded. Of course he wouldn't let anything happen to her. And she'd be ***ed if anything was going to harm him. She could not bare to lose anyone else.
"We won't be going much further this way in any case." Said Rochon who was behind them in the line, and had over heard. "We are drawing very close to Dol Guldur. Legolas wishes to confirm his suspicions if Gollum was taken this way, then we shall go back."
They were doing pretty well and were able to follow the tracks until they softened to almost nothing. Then a fork in the road appeared. There were two choices in the orc-trodden path. Both looked just as devastating and hopeless as the other did. But they had to go on.
"We will break up into groups." Legolas-ringleader said. He knew these woods well, and seemed pretty sensible. She'd willingly go with his group.
And, to her luck, she was. But even while in her group were Gilgnalad and Rochon, Figwit was in the other. Maegwen shook her head. She did not want to be separated from him. She needed to be with him.
"I want to go with Figwit." she begged. Legolas did not see the harm, and had merely put them in seperate groups to even the numbers. Legolas nodded. So Maegwen, who hadn't even left Figwit's side, went on with him and the others. They had taken the right path, while Legolas's company took the left. They did not find much for two hours except more dead brush, and the smell of thick, lung choking smolder. Maegwen had a coughing-fit once or twice, and her water was gone, and she really wanted to complain, but did not want to get their hopes down. Or be annoying. She knew the elves were much more light-hearted than she was.
"Look at this." Maegwen said suddenly. She had been looking at her feet, coughing, when suddenly she jumped back, noticing odd prints in the mud. It was Gollum tracks.
"We know now that he has gone this way. Should someone go back and tell the others?" Maegwen asked. Elfea, their leader for he knew the area of Mirkwood better than they, nodded, and ran off to find Legolas. Maegwen, Figwit, and another elf were left lone. Maegwen wanted to press on so they could get this search over and done with, but Figwit bid her stay at his side.
"We shall wait for Legolas. He is our commander and will know what is best."
So they waited patiently until Legolas's arrival. They followed the path for another hour or so, but the elves wished to go no further. They felt safer with the sun up while they drew closer to Dol Guldur and the sun was quickly sinking over the tops of the trees, and night was approaching. It was decided among the elves while they walked back that the group would pack necessities for living in the wood for a couple of days, and that they were going to camp out because while they went farther south, it became even harder to go all the way south to where they left off their hunt the previous day. Thranduil set a special meal for the elves and Maegwen; for they feared they might be out there a week or some. When it was finished, Maegwen took leave and went to her quarters. She sat there for an hour or so, and Figwit came. He sat near her, and sighed.
"After you came up here, the others and I got into talking and we decided that all this going out and coming back at night is taking too much time up in the hunt. We want to take a few necessities for living out in the wood for a couple of days, and camp out."
"All right." Maegwen said, sitting back against the headboard of the bed.
"All right, what? You shall come?"
"Of course! What else would you expect me to do, stay here while you go out there?" Maegwen asked skeptically.
"You seems to be feeling better." Figwit said with a smile of encouragement and joy. He did not like to see Maegwen in so much pain.
"I was acting rather childish." Maegwen admitted, though she did not truly believe this. Or at least, she could not help the way she had acted. The loss of Renia still hurt.
"No. You were acting as anyone might have, had they lost a loved one. And I know how much you loved that horse."
Maegwen smiled. "I did love Renia. She was so beautiful, and I remember when I got her. We used to run the Field all the time." She sighed, and thought about the rest of the hills and grasslands of Imladris. Figwit smiled at the bedazzled look on her face.
"You do miss Imladris, don't you?"
"It's my home. Where I grew up. Mirkwood is well and good -the trees are so great and the sunrise is different and the night sky is as well- but it just is not home. I miss it. I remember when we were younger, and we would always pretend that we were going on great adventures and would not go home until Elrond forced us." She smiled thinking about those distant years. But the thought of Renia would not stop haunting her.
"I miss her." Maegwen said. "She was like a sister, some how. I grew up with her, I cared for her, we played for hours and hours... She had this spirit, and this fire, and you swear that she was really a human inside, but in the shape of a horse. A wild spirit roaming the plain. And now she is free. I guess I am happy for her, even though it still hurts. Have you ever loved anything so much it hurts? Do you love Nimroch like that?"
"I understand what you mean, but I have not had Nimroch as long as you had Renia." Then he smiled, as if remembering something from a long time ago. But it did not seem as though he was thinking about his horse. Maegwen grinned playfully, and tapped him, bringing him out of his rapture.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked. Figwit looked at her and did something she had never seen him do. Blush.
"Nothing." He said bluntly.
"About what?" Maegwen asked again.
"About someone I thought I felt affections for, once, when I was a little elf, only a bit after you came to Imladris, in fact." Figwit said quickly, knowing Maegwen would pursue it and perhaps if he said enough, he would quench her curiosity.
"Who?" Maegwen asked hastily, leaning forward, wanting to know. Figwit's eyes narrowed, and he pursed his lips. Maegwen clasped her hands together. "Please tell me, I promise I will not tell."
"Alright, but only if you promise not to say a word." Figwit said. "Well, when I was younger, I fancied that... that I felt affections for..." he had quite some trouble with saying this, but eventually he said "Arwen."
Maegwen smiled wildly and shook trying to stay quiet. It was funny. Maegwen had known Arwen and Figwit for so long, and them as a 'couple' was odd. But, of course, she knew that even if Figwit wanted it, it would not be.
"Do not laugh!" Figwit said, almost angrily. "At least it is better than being in love with a horse." He said this more bitterly than he intended, but Maegwen did not mind it too much. She knew he did not mean it. But he apologized anyway.
"No, it's all right. I know you did not mean your words. Besides, my love for Renia and Imladris is a different sort of love than what you feel for Arwen."
" 'Felt', Maegwen, I am no longer in love with her."
"In anycase, you could not have swayed her to your love if you tried. Aragorn has her heart." Maegwen had never met Aragorn, but Arwen had told her plenty about him. From what she said, she made him out to be the strongest noblest Man of all Middle-earth. And Maegwen believed it. Anyone good enough for Arwen had to be noble and just.
"She has told you about him?" Figwit asked. "I met him, once, a long time ago. He seems like a good Man, which are hard to come by."
At this Maegwen slitted her eyes again, but in fury and frustration. "What is that supposed to mean? That people of the race of Men are weak? That we are false and hateful? Do not forget I am no elven-maid. I am a human woman. And though I have never seen my kin before does not mean I take pride in that, and I do not fancy myself an elf."
Figwit nodded. "I did not mean it so. And it is good that you take pride in that fact you are human." And Figwit added something under her breath that would have made Maegwen's blood boil had she heard it. Figwit did not have anything again the entire race of men, but he remembered once he met a man, far away when he had been visiting kin in the west, and the man was foul. He had taunted Figwit, and tried to hurt him, and he had only been a little elf then. But his mother was strong and actually quite skilled with a sword, and chased him away. But Figwit had been very frightened, and held a grudge against much of mankind afterward. And he knew of other things, more terrible than that, that had changed the course of the future by Men.
Maegwen's face softened, and she smiled. She did not like being angry with Figwit, even though his tongue ran wicked towards men at times.
"It is alright. I forgive you." Maegwen moved beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. But now she could not help but wonder about Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur's Heir among many other names, and what he was like. She had never seen him. She hoped one day she could. Not that he need pass her judgement, but Maegwen, even though she was much younger and not Arwen's blood kin, felt a sort of protection over her big sister. They must be very in love the way Arwen had spoken of him. Her eyes shimmered like the many stars over Imladris, and her voice was more musical, and a loving smile had been upon her lips. Then she pondered. How did Arwen know she was in love?
"Figwit." Maegwen said. Figwit opened his eyes, which had been closed, as he rested his lids.
"Yes?" he asked passively.
"What is love? How do you know you are in it?"
Figwit smiled, and moved closer to her without noticing it. "Love is, or what I think it is, is when you feel very deeply for a person, and think they are the most beautiful creature on earth. You would do anything for them, even risk your own life, or perhaps even die for them. You want to be with that person for your entire life, and never want to let go of them." Figwit looked deeply into Maegwen's eyes and she looked into his. They were lying very close to eachother. Figwit pulled away a piece of dark hair from Maegwen's face. Maegwen had never examined their relationship too closely, but if that was what love meant, then maybe she loved Figwit. Figwit was a very beautiful elf, with such a young face and twinkling eyes and hair so soft to her touch. She would now more than ever risk her life for Figwit -- she knew she could not bear to live with out him. He brought her so much joy, even when she was sad and in pain, he knew how to make it better. Maegwen's chest heaved.
"I never want to let go." She whispered, and Figwit drew closer. He thought the same about her. Her vibrant personality, her strong character and the way her green eyes flashed with joy every time she looked at him and made him fell so special. His lips brushed Maegwen's, but they did not make contact.
"Nor I." He said, and put his hand behind her neck. He was so warm. So warm and loving.
Then there was a knock at the door to her room. Figwit and Maegwen were both startled severely and jumped back. Figwit was standing and Maegwen was running her hands through her hair when the door opened. Legolas stood there.
"I thought you might be in here." Said Legolas looking at Figwit with a smile of amusement that Maegwen contemplated about. "May I speak with you for a moment?"
"Yes, of course." Figwit said stiffly, and bowed at Maegwen.
"Good night." He said. Maegwen nodded courteously. They did a fairly good job at covering up what had just happened. They did not think Legolas need know about their personal lives. So Figwit left, Legolas closed the door, and Maegwen was alone. She cursed the prince of Mirkwood.