Gilraen: Giver of Hope - Chapter 42

Estel woke up in the house of healing with his mother sitting next to him.

"Why am I here? How are Elladan and Elrohir?"

Gilraen got up and gave Estel a hug, and then sat by him on the bed as tears stung her eyes. She tried to control her voice as she spoke. "Elladan is not good at all, but he did make it through the night so there is slim chance he will be ok."

Estel eyes burned from the tears that welled up into his eyes. "Elrohir faired better though it will be some time before he can walk. Elrond had a hard time working on that leg. I have never seen him so distraught in all my life."

"Momma I want to see father."

"Alright, You lay back down and I will go get him. I know you are mostly ok but a concussion is not a small thing."

"So that is why I am here though Father should know I am alright. I ran all that way to look for him .....and all the other things I did." A cloud covered his eyes as he thought about the goblin and warg he had killed. Gilraen saw it but she just kissed his forehead and left to go find Elrond.

She met Elrond in the hall as he was leaving Elrohir's room. He looked tired and she was very concerned for him but she also knew he would not leave his son's side. He saw her and asked how Estel was doing.

"He is fine, but he wants to see you."

"I was just going to check on Elladan then I will go see him."

"How about I go sit with Elladan while you are with Estel. I think he needs his father now." {It would be nice if it were his real father who was here to talk to him right now} Gilraen thought.

Elrond was surprised by that so he agreed. Gilraen went to Elladan's room. She was not at all prepared to see the site that claimed her eyes. Elladan lay there on the bed as still as death. His face was pale except for a very dark bruise on his cheek. She saw how his chest was wrapped, but the most awful part was the way he seemed to struggle for every breath. She had known Elladan since she was a young girl. She remembered the first time he came through her town. She was a little girl playing a game of tag in the street when they saw that a group of rangers came home from a campaign. They all looked very tired but two of them seemed to stand out from the group. They sat up a little straighter and they had an air of Royalty about them. Their horses walked tall and proud even though they were in need of good grooming. This caught Gilraen's Attention and she could not take her eyes off these two men. She noticed then their ears and she gasped in shock for she had never seen an elf before. They looked so strong and invincible then, and she was half afraid of them. She got to know them though when she was older and they became her "brothers"
after she married Arathorn. They were often at her home and she got to know them as individuals and she liked them even more. They became her protectors after Arathorn died and she always looked to them for strength. Now seeing Elladan this way was such a shock to her. Tears welled up as she sat by him on the bed. He did not stir, but she felt the urge to talk to him.

"Elladan I have known you a long time. Not too long in your life but most of my life. You have always been strong and caring. I don't think I could have made it through some of the things in my life without you. You have always been a rock for me to lean on and I have always trusted you with my life and lives of my men. Call it a young girl's fantasy but you have always been larger than life and it scares me to see you this way. You must fight for your life. Don't give up. You know it would absolutely kill Estel if you died. He worships you like no human I have ever known. If it is possible I think he worships you more than his father ever did."

Tears were streaming down her face unchecked and hardly noticed. It was then she prayed. She prayed for Elladan and Elrohir to get better. She prayed for Estel and Elrond for their strength to not give out and that should Elladan die that they would be able to handle the grief. She prayed for herself that she could be of any help she could give and that she too would be strong enough if anything should happen. She took his and sat there watching him making sure he was as comfortable as possible. She changed the water with Athalos plant mixed in every hour and did not leave Elladan's side for the rest of the day.


Elrond came into Estel's room. He was sitting on his bed looking out the window. Estel neither turned nor acknowledged that Elrond even came into the room. Elrond sat next to him and put his arm around the boy. Estel began to tremble and his body was soon wracked with sobs. Elrond held him cradling him like he was only 5 years old and Estel found such comfort in that feeling. He wished for a moment that he never had to leave the safety of those arms ever. He knew that was impossible though. Things had happened on the trip that was irreversible. After his tears were spent and he cleaned up his face, he asked, "How is your leg father?"

Elrond was taken by surprise by that question. He had not been asked about himself all day. Everyone was so worried about his sons. "Oh well, I guess it is alright. I have not thought about it since coming home."

"Can I check it, father?"

"Uh sure if you want."

"Of course I want to do it. I would not ask if I did not want to do it. I know you father you probably have not changed the bandage since I helped you put it on yesterday."

Elrond had to chuckle at that because he knew it was true. "Alright my healer, I guess I need to listen to my healer now."

"Yes and you better listen. I do know what I am talking about, and I did learn from the best healer around."

"Oh really?! Will I have to thank him when I am healed."

Estel gave his father a small laugh. Not his usual cheerful laugh that should have accompanied such banter. He felt too changed by the last two days for such laughter. In fact, he silently wondered, would he ever laugh like that again?

He checked the wound and was happy to see no sign of infection. He got a new poultice made and rewrapped the leg. He sat down beside his father again and he sat there contemplating if he wanted to talk. Finally he blurted out, "I don't feel bad for what I did to the goblin and the warg."

"Oh ok that is fine with me. I am surprised though usually the first kill is the hardest."

"I did not say I was glad I did it. I hate that I did it, but I would do it again. I hate the beasts. I wish to kill them all." He got up and started pacing the room wringing his hands together trying to work out his frustration. "They almost killed my brothers and the one that stabbed you I can't even think about it without being so angry." As he said this he ground his hand into the bed to try to defuse the anger that welled up in there.

Elrond could feel his anger and he knew how he felt because he was watching his sons go through the same thing he watched his wife suffer. His heart felt sick at the thought of loosing his boys. He also knew though that he could not wallow in those thoughts nor could he let Estel wallow in them either.

"My son," he said tenderly, "you can not focus on the negative all the time. You must realize that Eru was with you the whole time. He never left you. He protected you and me from worse harm that we had. I know it is hard to watch your family go through something like this and I have no reason to tell you why this happened. In our world there is so much hurt and wrong in it we are bound to be caught up in it sometime. We never have all the answers and we may never know why but we can always know that Eru is around to guide and help us through all those bad times. Believe me my son I have been though so much in my life that I have learned to rest in his love and care to get me through anything. Even the possible death of my son."

He said this with such conviction that Estel drew strength from the words and for the first time that day he could feel his heart full on such toiling emotions start to calm into a rest.

"Thank you father for sharing your love and belief with me," he said as he kissed Elrond's cheek. "I want to go see Elrohir now."

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