Gilraen: Giver of Hope - Chapter 33
Raion was in the stable feeling very tired and yet not really wanting to go home. He knew Gilraen would be lying in bed next to him but she would not really be there. She had eluded him for a whole month now and with out being mean, cruel, or even angry she had built up a wall that he could not penetrate. His hurt for their daughter had intensified his need for her and yet for her it had done the exact opposite. He wanted her arms around him for comfort and she just wanted to sit in her darkness all day. He did not blame her he just did not know how to reach her.
Making matters worse was that he realized that morning how much Sermë was hurting and he had not even thought about her feelings because he was trying to figure out how to make his go away. When he had left for duty that day he had mechanically brushed a kiss on Sermë's cheek and asked her to be quiet so Gilraen could rest. Under her breath and almost too quiet for him to hear she huffed and said, " Yeah like she is the only one that matters."
He looked at her sharply but she had turned and walked out. So he was glad today was quiet because his mind was anywhere but actual sentry duty. He pondered the way the last month had gone and he realized he had not talked to Sermë or Estel about how they felt or even been there to comfort them when they cried. Everyone had looked forward with joy at the coming of the new baby. Everyone had invested time and energy preparing for her arrival and now everyone felt the sadness of her loss. Why had he been so blind to their grief?
He knew the answer but he did not like it. Everyone was caught up in their own world of grief not thinking there were others around who could share and help them. He knew he had to unite them so they could draw comfort from each other but he was puzzled about how to go about doing it. He sighed as he brushed his horse down giving him some extra care just so he could think before heading home.
There was no easy way for him to approach Gilraen. He had no idea if she would even join in but he was going to do his best to get the children to talk. He thought 'why not ask Elrond? He could help me know what to say.'
Even though it was late he went to Elrond's house. He saw light and so he knew it was ok to knock. Erestor answer and he gave Raion a nervous bid into the house. Raion felt a dread grow inside as he sat down in the living space. It only grew, as Erestor said, "Don't panic."
'Now why do people say that when they perfectly well that their news is going to cause panic,' Raion wondered. Esetor looked worriedly at the clock and said, "About 3 hours ago Estel came over very upset. It seems Sermë is missing."
Raion's mind reeled at the news. "Oh Eru How much more are you going to make me bear," he hollered. He stood and then sat down and then stood again. "Why was I not informed?"
"Elrond hoped that she would be back before you got off duty, but mostly because he did not want you out there in a panicked state of mind. You would be better help at home if you got off before they came back. He is out with Estel looking for her right now. A few of the searcher have come back with nothing."
Raion knew that just meant she was not where they had been but it made him feel anxious none the less. He had to do something. He started to pace and then said, "I am going home, Erestor. Goodnight."
He walked out but as soon as he got to the street he ran. He ran all the way home and burst through the door sinking to the floor as soon as he closed it. Tears ran down in torrents, and there was nothing he could do to stop them. He felt too weak to move so he just sat curled up in front of the door. He had never seen the light in the room and he never heard the soft footsteps but suddenly she was there holding him and speaking word of love to him. He lifted his head and looked into Gilraen's face and found all the love and comfort there that he had been searching for all this time.