Gilraen:Giver of Hope - chapter 30
Gilraen slept for the rest of the day.
When she woke up the next day the day was dark and rainy. 'Another day that reflects how I feel.' she thought gloomily. She moved about as if she was made of wood. She had no care for anything. She did very little and mostly sat staring off into space. Raion tried talking to her but she only responded in short clipped words.
Three months past and nothing changed. Gilrean crawled deeper into her shell of darkness not allowing anyone to penetrate her hard shell of anger. Estel woried about her. He saw her pain and anger which he tried to break through but she would either ignore him or she would lash out at him with some angry words. He gave up trying to help and took care of his chores trying to stay out of her way.
Raion was in his own dark place and knew not how to help Gilraen. her anger and silenceonly served to push him deeper into his cave. His wound seemed like it seeped all day, everyday. Work was something that kept him busy, but he always had to come home and face the wall. He knew he needed to do something for Gilraen, but how? He had no idea how to fix himself.
Sermë felt very alone herself at this time. She could help no one and there was no one to listen to her grief. If she had looked hard enough she would have seen that Estel, her ever-faithful friend, would have listened but she never wanted to add more to him. Sermë thought it was enough for him to have to worry about his mother. It was hard to live in this house full of people who lived like wooden puppets instead of people.
One day Sermë could stand it no longer. She walked by the nursery and saw Gilraen sitting in the chair just staring off into space. She ran from the hall and out the door. She just ran not knowing or caring where she was going. She ran hard and fast never looking back. Finally she collapsed in the middle of a clearing. She fell face down and screamed a cry that seemed to come from her toes and build in intensity until she felt her head would bust from intensity of it.
She lie there a long time just still and unmoving. If any animal had come along they would have thought she were dead. She could say nothing or think of nothing save a small-unuttered thought addressed to Eru. "Help!"
She fell asleep and had a dream. She was in the field of yellow daisies, and she saw her mother. Sermë just stood there and started to cry. Lirinen came and held her until there were no more tears.
"Oh Nana it is the most awful thing to have happened. Enelya has died, and Ada is just sick with grief. Gilraen is not even with us anymore and Estel seems lost to me in his worry for his momma. I am all-alone and no one can help me. Not even Eru listens. Death would be better for me."
"Oh Sermë that is so far from the truth. I am here because Eru has seen your hurt and knows you needed comfort and help. He is an all-wise and loving being. You must not doubt him my child."
"But Nana, how can I not doubt. He took away a precious thing. I never heard of a child leaving Arda before it was grown up. In fact I never even knew why he took you from me. How can he love me if he keeps hurting me."
"First of all your sister is here with me and all the other elves who have come before her. She is safe and happy. There is no sadness or hurt. She is exactly where Eru wants her. I cannot give you reasons for why we die. Humans are destined to die. Estel will one day die. Are you going to blame Eru all the time? It is there destiny. Enelya was part human. She would have died someday and you would live on because you are an elf. Yes it is sad but it is the fact of life. Melkor was the creator of all thing evil and since he brought evil to the world thing like my death happen. Eru has a plan to one day destroy all that is evil and make the Arda beautiful again. We do not know why he waits. It is not for us to know or even understand. We just need to trust that he is greater than us and that he will care and love us through the hard times. If you search your heart you know that your Ada is willing to listen and help you. Estel is also hurting like you and if you lean on each other you can help get each other through the hard times. Gilraen will come out of her dark place and she will become a mother to you again. You must take a risk and put your heart out there again. Thinking only of your hurt just increases your pain making you become a self centered child. Hurt comes into our life and if you use it to help you grow you become a richer person."
"Oh Nana, I am sorry"
"There is nothing to forgive my love. Hurt is something that you must go through and it is up to you how you come through. Always remember Eru loves all his children. He never does anything irrationally or uncaringly. You must never doubt him. I must go now. Your Ada and Estel will be looking for you. Always know that I love you and I know what goes on in your life."
Sermë hugged her nana and waved as she watched her leave the field. She turned and woke up back on the floor of the clearing. She looked around her and realized she had no idea where she was sitting.