Gilraen:Giver of Hope - Chapter 22
Gilraen cried for days. She could hardly get out of bed for the sorrow that was in her heart. She never wanted to hurt Raion. She had hoped that he would never see her feeling and she had hoped that he would never return them if he did. She could not stand that she had hurt him and even worse she lost his friendship. She had always felt that she could bear her feelings better because she could hide them and yet have him around. Now he was gone and she felt as if she had no heart. She sent Estel to Elrond's house so she could be alone.
Four days went by and no one saw her or heard from her. Elrond decided it was time to interfere. He went to her house and when he received no answer to his knock he let himself in. He found her lying in her bed. She had not eaten in those four days. She was very weak and so he took her home with him so he could care for her. The first thing he did was feed her. After she ate some soup, she looked dejectedly at the bright sunshine out the window. She started to cry because even though the sun was bright and cheery outside in her heart it was dark. Elrond took her in his arm and let her cry. When she was finished crying she wiped her eyes and asked, "Where is Estel?"
"He is out riding his horse for now. How about you tell me what is wrong. I enjoy having Estel here, but you have not eaten or come out of your house for four days. Things looked dark and in a shambles at your house. I have never seen you so depressed, even when you lost Arathorn. So tell me what happened."
"Four nights ago Raion said he loved Me.," she said as she dissolved into tears again.
"Well shouldn't that be a good thing. I could see it coming. Neither of you hide your feelings very well."
"What do you mean a good thing? You mean you think this is ok? I am a human he is an Elf. He is of the blessed race and I am the weaker. I will die he lives forever. He already lost his wife why would he want to marry someone who will die in a matter of years."
"Well I can't speak for him. I do not know what to say but I have no problem with the union. My own parents were elf and human. I know it not normal for it to happen but it does happen and it not such an awful thing. You must remember too that Raion knows all this even before he said anything to you. He is not dumb and I am sure he weighed it carefully in his mind."
She sniffed and thought Elrond had a good point. Raion was not some lovesick teenager who could not think past his feelings. Then again neither was she.
"I just do not think it right or proper of me to ask him to watch me grow old and then die. He would also die because he chose me."
"He would die because of me."
"No not every elf will die because he chooses a mortal. That option was given to my brother and I not to all elves."
"Ok what about after I die. We can never be reunited. I have that small comfort with Arathorn. Raion has the hope of seeing Lirinen someday in the Grey Havens. There is no hope for life after death. I just can't ask it of him. I would be asking so much. It is not fitting that a child of the Illuvatar should wed with the younger." She said that remembering what Gwindor said to Finduilas about her love for Túrin. She could not seem to get that statement out of her head from the time she read it before their trip to Mirkwood. It had been a prevailing thought that had kept her from speaking her feelings many times.
"Well Gilraen, you must make up your own mind. I cannot tell you what to do. Think about this though, do you plan on living in loneliness all your life? The Illuvatar never does things heedless or for cruelty. He gave you both the same feelings. There has to be reason."
Gilraen thought about that statement, but still could make no definitive decision right now about Raion. She did decide one thing though and that was pull herself together and become Estel's mother again. So she took a bath and got ready for the evening meal. Estel was very happy to see that she was all right.