Gildern, Lady of Lindon Ch. VII
"I didn't mean to!" I cried, "I didn't want to leave you, Haldir! I really didn't!"
"Oh, sure. You didn't even tell me goodbye! You just used me as a toy and left me with a broken heart!"
"NO! Haldir, I loved you! I still do! I would never use you!" tears were streaming down my face, my throat hurt, and my voice was hoarse.
"You're a liar; you forsook all of your duties and left without a single word. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to your people? We were all counting on you, Iaryavie, and you let us down."
"I know, and I'm sorry! Please forgive me?" I cried as I fell on my knees in front of Haldir.
"No. I am way beyond forgiving you. Your deeds have put a wound into all of our hearts, a wound that can never be healed. It's too late, Iaryavie, go back to the hole in the ground you came from. Your father would be ashamed of you."
"No," with this, he turned his back to me and walked away. Hot tears were streaming down my face, as I cringed at his hard words.
"Iaryavie," came a voice that I recognized as once sweet, but now full of potency and anger, "You left us, it is too late to return, leave us now, you are no longer worthy to be called the daughter of Gil-Galad, let alone being worthy to stand in our presence. Leave, now!"
"Galadriel? No! Please don't do this to me!"
"You heard her, wench. Leave our presence, get out of our sight!" It was Gandalf's voice, now. Faces appeared in the darkness, each telling me to leave, screaming at me for my deeds, their words echoing to no end.
"You're nothing but a coward!"
"A coward who runs from her fears and duties without a second thought!"
Then there was the laughing and the mocking.
"Don't laugh at me!" I screamed, "Please! No! I didn't mean to! I beg forgiveness!"
But the laughing never ceased, the darkness became impenetrable as I stood there trying to find the sources of the laughter. Then Haldir's face appeared, he too was laughing and mocking me. Then his voice grew deeper and evil, his eyes turned red as he mocked me. Then I saw, instead of Haldir, the Eye, laughing at me and mocking me.
"Ivie? Ivie? Wake up! Wake up Ivie!" cried a small voice in the distance.
"NOOO!!!" I screamed as I bolted upright. I grabbed the person that was in front of me and I shook him. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Ivie? It's only a dream!"
I opened my eyes and looked at the small Hobbit sitting in front of me, eyes wide and scared, mouth trembling. The other three Hobbits were behind him, holding on to Pippin as he just sat there and stared.
"Pippin," I tried to apologize, but the words would not come out. Instead I leaned forward and hugged him. "It's only a dream, it's only a dream," I repeated over and over, out loud, Pippin said it with me, as well. The other three Hobbits joined the hug and attempted to comfort me.
After a while, Aragorn came over to us, "Gildern, are you all right, now?"
"Yes, Estel, I am fine now, thanks to four certain Hobbits."
"Ivie had a bad dream, Strider, she was breaking into a sweat and everything!" exclaimed Pippin, but Merry and Sam soon had a hand over his mouth to prevent him from speaking any more.
I could only laugh, "Do not be alarmed, Estel, Pippin exaggerates. You know how he is."
"Quite. Lady, may I have a word?"
"Yes, you may," I said, staying where I was on the ground.
"In private," hinted Aragorn.
"Oh...sure, why not?"
Aragorn and I walked a small distance, far enough so that the others could not hear us, yet close enough so that we were in plain view of the camp.
"Lady, what troubles you? You have been having these dreams ever since we departed Imladris 2 weeks ago. What troubles you to the point of these dreams? You haven't been eating as you should, and you have been taking most of the watches. When you do sleep, you have these evil dreams. Tell me what is bothering you, please?"
"I...I-I don't know..." I lied.
"Lady, please, tell me. I might be able to help you," pleaded Aragorn.
"You cannot help me, Estel, the problems I face can only be solved by me, and no one else. Just as your problems can be only solved by you."
"You fear Lothlorien?"
"Just tell them the truth, they'll understand! If they refuse to believe the plight of your youth then they are fools!"
"But...in my dreams, they all turned against me! They mocked me, and laughed at me! They told me I was a coward, and a liar! And then...and then I saw Him!"
"Him too...but the enemy! I saw the enemy!"
"You saw the Eye?"
"Yes! He was mocking me too! Oh, Aragorn! I don't know if I can go to Lothlorien...I don't think I have the wits or courage!" I placed my head on Aragorn's shoulder and hugged him, he let me cry for a long time until he spoke.
"Iaryavie, if you do not face your fears now, the problems will only grow worse, and one day it just may happen as you saw. You must face your problems now, not later!"
"You're right, Aragorn," I said as I dried my eyes and wiped my face, "I will face my fears bravely. Thank You, I needed this talk. I am much relieved."
"Good, now maybe you'll eat something. It is almost time for us to leave."
"Iaryavie?" called Elrond from his study as I walked by.
"Yes, my lord?" I asked.
"As you know, the tale of the nine is fufilled, but I would like you to travel with the Fellowship, not as one of them, but rather a guide. You know the lands from the far north down to Harad, do you not?"
"I do, my lord. And I would be honored to be a guide for the fellowship, though, I am sure Gandalf will do most of the work."
"Do not be so sure. Gandalf is wise, though he will need much help from you and Estel. I have forseen that all of the fellowship will be tried, including you. You must overcome your fears, and defeat whatever shall be your trial. You must also help the others. I fear the Gandalf's time will come sooner than any of yours or the others. Please, see that he defeats the evil that will try to destroy him."
"Of course, my lord."
"Ivie? What's today's date?" asked Pippin as the company, having been defeated by Caradhras traveled towards Moria.
"The 13th of January. Why?" I answered as I peered up ahead, following Gandalf in the darkness, followed by the rest of the company.
"It seems that we've been traveling for weeks on end!"
"It does, doesn't it? When, in fact," We've only been traveling for a couple of weeks. Strange, isn't it?"
"Indeed. Can we have a snack?" asked Pippin.
I laughed, "Here," I said as a took a small piece of bread from my sack, "munch on this."
"Won't you eat it?"
"I'm not hungry, but it appears you are!"
"How'd you know?" asked Pippin as he cocked his head.