Estelio - The Fading of the Evenstar

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This is an odd little sketch I wrote after watching "Arwen's Fate" in The Two Towers. The choral text played during that scene, a reprise of Arwen's encouragement to Aragorn, haunted me. The words they chose sounded like cruel echoes of Arwen's own hope now gone in the wind. From that, this sketch was born.
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Ú i vethed-nâ i onnad.

Cruel echoes play in my mind--my own words, bitterly finding their way back to plague me as I stand here, the world slowly passing me by. The wind blows around me, the faded leaves scatter slowly; limp, crumbling, dead. There is no time, or I have stepped out of it into a grey realm where there is only grief, but no rain-wash of tears to heal the withered soul.

Si peliannen i vâd na dail lín. Si boe ú-dhannathach.

Are these my words? Was there a time I could have said these things with such earnestness, such hope? They taunt with with my own faith now, for my road has come to its dark end, and I cannot falter, would I or no, for I am chained to it.

Ae ú-esteliach nad, estelio han.

Trust this! Trust my promises, my vows, my bond. But he is gone, and I am fading, and the Sea calls, taunting me in my grief. Would you not call to me! As all I have clung to crumbles beneath my faltering feet, would you not let me alone, to grieve in peace? My estel {hope} is all I have held against the thoughts of the end, but now my Estel is gone, and the end is come. Winter's nightfall has come now, without a single star.

Estelio han. Estelio han. Estelio han.

Do not torment me! Would you not let me be? Bound to this grief, I am falling, and only echoes are left for me. Please! Can you not let me cling to the sweet memories, not these bitter echoes?

Estelio veleth.

For a life of Men I have trusted love, but love is no more, and I stand at the edge of parting beyond the circles of the world. Naneth {Mother}, did you know? Did you see? Your eyes, when you last beheld me, as you sailed from these shores, they were filled with infinite grief. Was it for me? Did you know that this would be the last parting?

Estelio...

Awash in grief, here I lie down amongst the fading leaves. Lórien is dying, and here the green hill where my vows were made has become as faded as I. But for a moment I see it as it was, so brilliant in the flaming West-dipping Sun as we stood, Estel and I, and I turned from the Twilight. The touch of his lips is still fresh upon my own, and then the memory crumbles, and I am left with nothing.

Ú i vethed-nâ i onnad.

The end, the beginning, or a circle? I shut my eyes and let the hill wrap me in its embrace. All is gone, and memory is all that remains. So as my mind falls into the darkness, I let it take me where it would, to memories of joy and sorrow. My Estel, the years I wept for you. Why could you not see the hope I had found? Your guilt enchained you, and you would not let it go. But speak no longer to me of hope! Ah, but when you at last shed those chains, and accepted my vows, I chose to ignore the thoughts of the coming end. Did Lúthien regret her choice when her time came?

Estelio...

A naked hope, founded on the One. A bare hope, with foundation beyond what is known. That is all I have. But what do I hope towards now?

Estel...

My spirit flees, out of time, out of life, out of the circles of the world. And beyond them...a cool wind whispers, the water sings, one voice speaks to me of this: there is

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