The Dwarves Have Yet to Craft Pagers - A poem on how apthetic the modern day person would appear in Middle-Earth

Erm, excuse me, dear old Gandalf,
I know how you hate to groom.
But I have an emergency for you...
I have to...use the bathroom.

Do not judge me good Aragorn,
My question may seem slightly foolish.
But after that dinner last night,
'Think you could lend me a toothbrush?

Sorry to wake you, Mr. Frodo,
Yes, I know it's the middle of the night.
But do you mind me sleeping here?
I'm frightened without my nightlight.

Um, do you have a moment Legolas?
How many miles left to go?
You see it's the first time away from home,
And I've never lasted a week without Nintendo

You know how I hate to complain Sam,
But the food here really bites.
Are you sure you have no TV dinners?
Or some McDonald's greasy fries?

Beg your pardon Gimli,
I'm not sure if I should trust you with such a fact,
But you're my last resort...
Anyway, does this cloak make me look fat?

Ahem! One minute please Pippin!
This little thing I pack,
Well you see, I know we're low on food and things,
But it's still misery for my back.

Hold up fellow Merry,
This place if far too accident-prone.
Perhaps it'd be safer if we went back,
So I could grab my faithful cell phone?

Why goodness, J.R.R Tolkien?
Fancy seeing YOU here in these parts!
Wait, come again, I didn't hear you.

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