Green Eggs and Cram: Gollum and Lembas

The Elven Cram<br /> (Gollum and Lembas)<br /> <br /> <br /> Sam: I am Sam<br /> Sam I am.<br /> <br /> Gollum: That Sam-I-am!<br /> That Sam-I-am!<br /> Master likes him!<br /> That Sam-I-am!<br /> <br /> Sam: Do you like this elven cram?<br /> <br /> Gollum: We do not likes it, Sam-I-am. <br /> We do not likes the elven cram. <br /> <br /> Sam: Won&#8217;t you eat with Frodo, there?<br /> <br /> Gollum: We will not eats with Master there!<br /> We will not eats it anywhere!<br /> We do not likes your elven cram.<br /> We do not likes it Sam-I-am! <br /> <br /> Sam: Will you eat it in Gondor?<br /> Will you eat with Denethor?<br /> <br /> [Denethor scowls at Gollum.]<br /> <br /> Gollum: We do not likes it in Gondor.<br /> We do not likes that Denethor.<br /> We will not eats up! up! up! up! the stair!<br /> We will not eats it anywhere!<br /> We do not likes your elven cram.<br /> We do not likes it, Sam-I-am!<br /> <br /> Sam: Would you eat them on a shelf?<br /> Would you eat them with an elf?<br /> <br /> [Legolas waves hello.]<br /> <br /> Gollum: Not on a shelf.<br /> Not with an elf.<br /> Not in Gondor<br /> Or with Denethor.<br /> We would not eats if we had hair!<br /> We will not eats it anywhere!<br /> <br /> Sam: Would you? Could you?<br /> On a ferry?<br /> Eat it! Eat it!<br /> On Buckleberry&#8217;s!<br /> <br /> [Sam, Gollum, Legolas, and Denethor hop onto Buckleberry ferry.]<br /> <br /> <br /> Gollum: We could not,<br /> Would not,<br /> On a ferry.<br /> <br /> Sam: You may like it.<br /> You will see.<br /> You may like it <br /> In a tree!<br /> <br /> Treebeard: I am no tree! I am an ent!<br /> <br /> Gollum: We could not would not in an&#8230; ent.<br /> Not on a ferry! Our patience is spent!<br /> We do not likes it on a shelf.<br /> We don not likes it with the elf.<br /> We do not likes it in Gondor.<br /> We do not likes that Denethor!<br /> We would not likes it, should you care!<br /> We will not likes it anywhere!<br /> We do not likes your elven cram.<br /> We do not likes it, Sam-I-am.<br /> <br /> Sam: A horse! A horse!<br /> A horse! A horse!<br /> Could you, would you,<br /> On a horse?<br /> <br /> [Shadowfax rides up. All climb aboard &#8211; including the Buckleberry ferryman.]<br /> <br /> Gollum: Not on a horse! Not on an ent!<br /> Not on a ferry! Our patience is spent!<br /> <br /> We would not, could not in Gondor,<br /> We do not likes that Denethor!<br /> We will not eats it on a shelf.<br /> We will not eats it with an elf.<br /> We will not eats it if you dare!<br /> We will not eats it anywhere!<br /> We do not likes your elven cram.<br /> We do not likes it Sam-I-am.<br /> <br /> Sam: Say! <br /> In the dark?<br /> Here in the dark! <br /> Would you, could you, in the dark?<br /> <br /> Gollum: We would not, could not,<br /> In the dark.<br /> <br /> Sam: Would you, could you,<br /> In the rain?<br /> <br /> Gollum: We would not, could not in the rain.<br /> Not in the dark &#8211; you are a pain!<br /> Not on a ferry. Not on an ent.<br /> We do not likes its foul scent!<br /> Not in on a shelf. Not in Gondor.<br /> Not with an elf OR Denethor.<br /> We will not eats it if stomach is bare.<br /> We do not likes it anywhere!<br /> <br /> Sam: You do not like the elven cram?<br /> <br /> Gollum: We do not likes it, Sam-I-am.<br /> <br /> Sam: Could you, would you,<br /> With my friend, Pip?<br /> <br /> [Pippin begins to devour the lembas.]<br /> <br /> Gollum: We would not, could not with friend Pip!<br /> <br /> Sam: Would, could you, on Galadriel&#8217;s ship?<br /> <br /> [Shadowfax goes running off cliff face down towards Galadriel&#8217;s swan ship.]<br /> <br /> Galadriel: &#8220;I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold,<br /> And leaves of gold there&#8221; -- wha?<br /> Eek! Abandon ship!<br /> <br /> [Gigantic splash results from collision.]<br /> <br /> Gollum: We could not, would not, on lady&#8217;s ship.<br /> We could not with the hobbit, Pip.<br /> We will not eats it in the rain <br /> Or on the horse, you little pain!<br /> Not in the dark! Not on an ent!<br /> Not on a ferry! My patience is spent!<br /> We do not likes it on a shelf.<br /> We do not likes that stupid elf!<br /> We do not likes it in Gondor &#8211;<br /> We hates, we hates that Denethor!<br /> We would not eats it in Shelob&#8217;s Lair!<br /> We do not likes it ANYWHERE!!!<br /> <br /> Cold be heart and hand and bone,<br /> Cold be travelers far from home.<br /> They do not see what lies ahead<br /> When sun has failed and moon is dead!!!<br /> <br /> Sam: Um, wasn&#8217;t that last stanza a bit out of place?<br /> <br /> Gollum: Fitted the meter, though, stupid fat hobbit! Arrr!<br /> We do not likes your elven cram!<br /> We do not likes it, Sam-I-am!<br /> <br /> Sam: You do not like it.<br /> So you say.<br /> Try it! Try it! <br /> And you may. <br /> Try it and you may, I say.<br /> <br /> Gollum: Sam! If you will lets us be,<br /> We will try it, and put your eyes out and makes you crawl!<br /> <br /> Sam: Alright, then&#8230; Kinda freaked me out just now.<br /> <br /> [Gollum takes piece of lembas and stares at it doubtfully. Galadriel, Shadowfax, Pippin, Legolas, Treebeard, and Denethor watch in suspense. Sam smiles hopefully.]<br /> <br /> Gollum: Say! <br /> We likes the elven cram!<br /> We do! We likes it, Sam-I-am!<br /> And we will eats it on a ship.<br /> And we will eats it here with Pip&#8230;<br /> And we will eats it in the rain.<br /> And in the dark. Isildur&#8217;s Bane!<br /> And on a ferry. And on and ent!<br /> We really are so vehement!<br /> So we will eats it on a shelf.<br /> And we will eats it with the elf.<br /> And we will eats it in Gondor.<br /> Why! We will eats with Denethor!<br /> And by the Precious we do swear<br /> WE WILL EATS IT ANYWHERE!<br /> <br /> We do so likes the elven cram!<br /> Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-am!<br /> <br /> <br /> Sam: Told you so. And now! For some good stewed rabbits!<br /> <br /> Gollum: NO! NOOO!!! You&#8217;re ruining them! Stupid fat hobbit!<br /> <br /> Sam: You&#8217;re hopeless. <br />
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