The Lord of the Socks: The Fellowship of the Sock - A Shortcut to Death Caps

Sam: Mr. Frodo? Frodo?? Frodoooooooooo!! (he finds him) I thought you'd poofed or something! Or the peanut butter got you! I KNEW it was hatching a sinister plot!

Frodo: What are you talking about? IS THE PEANUT BUTTER EVIL?!?! (wails)

Sam: It's just sumpthin' that Gandalf said: "Don't you lose him, Samwise Gamgee," and I don't mean to.

Frodo: Just as long as the peanut butter isn't evil...but we're still in the Shire--what could possibly happen??

(Pippin and Merry burst out of the corn and bowl over Sam and Frodo)

Frodo: Eerp!

Pippin: Frodo! Merry, it's Frodo Baggins!

Merry: Hullo, Frodo! (pats Frodo on the head)

Sam: Get off him...What's the meaning of this?

Merry: Hold these (He loads Sam up with stolen explosives)

Sam: You've been into Farmer Maggot's explosives... (looks down at the myriad of bombs in his arms and freaks out) IT'S TICKING!

Farmer Maggot: (ranting offscreen) Hey you, stay outta my garage!

Merry: I don't know why he's so upset, it was only a couple of dynamites

Pippin: ...and some bombs...and those three bags of grenades that we lifted last week...and then the big thingy the week before.

Merry: Yes, Pippin, my point is, he's clearly over-reacting

(they get to the edge of the cliff and stop, until Sam bumps into them, then they all tumble down the cliff)

Pippin: (upside-down) Ooh, that was close...

Merry: I think I've broken something HEY! My punctuation's missing again!

Sam: It's been missing through the whole scene. Trust a Brandybuck and a Took...

Merry: What? That was just a...(grabs thesaurus)...detour, bypass, alternative route, deviation--shortcut. (Ooh, it's back!)

Sam: A shortcut to what?

Pippin: Death caps! (they all rush towards the death caps hungrily)

(After a while, Frodo senses something on the road)

Frodo: I think we should get off the road... (everyone is busy devouring and collecting death caps and ignores him)
(a yodeling sound comes up the road. Frodo grabs a megaphone out of nowhere and yells into it) Get off the road!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quick!!!!!!!!!!!!

(they hide down in some tree roots; the Off-White Rider comes up then gets off his motorcycle and bends down and battles a sinus infection. Bugs crawl randomly out of the woodwork; Frodo is tempted to put on the Sock. Sam stops him, then Merry bravely sacrifices his death caps, tossing them to distract the Off-White Rider, who zooms off to investigate)

Merry: What was that?

Frodo: (looks down at the Sock in his hand and sniffles)

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