Pod Birthing Gives New Hope to Childless Orcs. - Controversial new technique a proven success.
"The results are incredible- it really is a new breakthrough" says Ugluk, now a happy father of 283. "Both Barad-Dur and Kazad-Dum used more natural approaches that catered to the masses without regard to the specific needs some orcs have. Here, we were told that specific needs are the number one priority, all the way up to the top".
The revolutionary procedure is the culmination of hundreds of years of research by Saruman The White. "Magical innovation has come a long way" says the award-winning wizard and head of the Istari organization. "Now that we've secured a new source of funding, pod birthing has moved into mainstream practice and we're starting to see results in the thousands".
But the benefits don't stop there. Pod-born Orcs are healthier, larger and more intelligent, prompting thoughts of greater achievement in sporting and academic arenas. "In only a few months you'll see them in the glorious cities of Gondor and Rohan" promises Saruman with the twinkling eye of a proud father.
Magical genetics have also made pod-born Orcs much less prone to the effects of diseases such as daylight. But the actual details of pod gestation are being kept under close wraps at the White Hand Clinic. "I've already caught one spy from inside the organization" he says, clearly hurt. "People these days have no respect for Magical Copyright". He did give one hint, though. "It involves chopping down trees. Lots of them".
Mr. The White declined to comment if it was for their stem cells.
Steven Cavanagh, reporting from Orthanc.