Middle Earth Olympics - What would happen if the Olympics came to middle earth?

Would the Olympics go well in Middle Earth? Well, we'd have to change some events, but here goes...

Cross country foot racing:
First place-Ranger named Aragorn
Last place-Dwarf named Gimli
Elf named Legolas DQed for shooting and killing another contestant, orc named Sharku. Aragorn almost DQed himself after attacking an orc named Lurtz. Aragorn stayed in by stopping short of slaying the orc, and Lurtz declined the offer to sue.

Team canoeing:
First place- team of Mordor orcs under the leadership of an incredibly ugly pink orc.
second place-a team of Nazgul who shivered and trembled the entire race.
Officials were only barely able to restrain a group of Gondorion Rangers armed with bows. Hobbit named Frodo was hospitalized with a shoulder wound shortly after the medal ceremony.

Mat wrestling:
First place-Gimli the Dwarf who defeated Grima Wormtounge
Second place-Aragorn who finally succeded in strangeling Lurtz, much to the disappointment of a man named Boromir. "I wanted to do that." the Gondorian explained.

Horse racing:
First place-Arwen Undomiel with passanger Frodo Baggins. They defeated nine Nazgul easily, though judges are still deliberating on whether Arwen's stunt at the river is legal

Kayaking:
Tie between Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir. When asked about the amazing tie, thier answer was simply, we had a lot of practice.

Team Sword fighting:
The Fellowship team chopped the orc team to pieces. Literally.

Swimming:
Every event was won by a withered looking creature who alternately called himself "Smeagol" or "Precious".

Wieght Lifting:
Won by Gimli the Dwarf who lifted two wargs and an orc. He complained afterward about the stench

Archery:
Fierce tie between Legolas and Lurtz. Legolas solved it by shooting Lurtz, but the judges did not disqualify the elf on the grounds that the orc was not killed.

Gymmnastics:
A team of four from the Shire won with a terrific lead. The performances were great, an especially talented vault by Frodo Baggins caught everyones eyes.

100 meter dash:
Another spectacular tie between Pippin Took and Merry Brandybuck, who said they had discovered the skill from their dash at the Black Gates

The ME olympics would go something like that, or maybe much worse.

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