Lord of the Rings Sing-Along! - Featuring two new Helm's Deep tunes, this is a medley of songs-turned-LOTR from Disney to Christmas

But first, a message:

Not all are cheerful, not all are sad,
Yet songs may lighten the air a tad,
So here they are, may they spirits lift,
As you sing my humble New Year's gift
To all of you, dear Tolkien fans,
To Samwise, with his pots and pans,
To Frodo, shuffling towards Mordor,
To Saruman, treacherous to the core,
For Meriadoc, traveling to Rohan,
For Sauron, and his evil plan,
To Peregrin, with intelligence and speed,
To Aragorn, for yet another noble deed,
On to Boromir, may he find true rest,
And for Gandalf, survivor of a terrible test,
For Legolas and Gimli, companions true,
For Theoden, made a man anew,
To Grima, with forked and hissing tongue,
And last of all, of course, to the One

I'll Make An Uruk Out of You*
To the tune of "I'll Make a Man Out of You", from Mulan

Let's get down to business
To defeat Theoden,
Did they send me halflings?
I need Lurtzs to win.
You're the saddest bunch
I ever met
But you can bet
Before we're through
Mister, I'll make an Uruk
Out of you . . .

Dang'rous as Fangorn,
And on fire, beside
Teach the Wargs to obey,
Then to Rohan, ride
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot
And you haven't got a clue
Somehow I'll make an Uruk
Out of you . . .

Uruks: I'm never gonna catch my breath
Say goodbye to those who knew me
Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym
This guy's got 'em scared to death
Female Uruk: Hope he doesn't see right through me
Aragorn: Now I really wish that I knew how to swim . . .

(Be an Uruk)
We must be swift as the roaring Rauros
With all the force of a cave troll's blow
With all the strength Isengard can muster
Sinister as the dark side of Orthanc . . .

Time is racing toward us
Till the elves arrive
Heed my every order
And you might survive
You're unsuited for the rage of war
So pack up, go home, you're through
How could I make an Uruk
Out of you?

(Be an Uruk)
We must be swift as the roaring Rauros
With all the force of a cave troll's blow
With all the strength Isengard can muster
Sinister as the dark side of Orthanc

(Be an Uruk)
We must be swift as the roaring Rauros
With all the force of a cave troll's blow
With all the strength Isengard can muster
Treacherous as the dark side of Orthanc

*Note: This song follows the movie for wording reasons

The Council of Elrond
Sung to the tune of "The First Noel"

The great council
That Elrond did call,
Was to talk 'bout a ring,
Affecting them all
He told men, dwarves and elves,
From their homes to come
To Rivendell to discuss the One

Council . . .
Council . . .
Council, council
All came to Elrond's council

Boromir was drawn,
By troubling dream,
Legolas confessed
Smeagol's flight downstream
Yet all was hushed
When the time came
To bring out the thing,
Of infamous fame

The Ring . . .
The Ring . . .
The Ring, the Ring
Frodo pulled out the One Ring

And soon all knew
The significance
Of this little thing
That caused such a mess,
There must be a quest
To destroy the Ring,
So a Fellowship was forged
The Ring to fling

In Mt. Doom . . .
In Mt. Doom . . .
In Mt. Doom, Mt. Doom
Frodo must take to Mt. Doom

Council . . .
Fellowship . . .
Uncertain fate,
Middle Earth had a lot on her plate

Sung to the tune of "Colors of the Wind", from Pocahontas

You think I'm an LOTR fan,
And you've known so many people,
I guess it must be so
But still I cannot see
If I'm what a fan should be
How can there be so much that I don't know?
I don't know . . .

You think you own whatever land you read 'bout,
Middle Earth's just there for you to claim,
But I know every orc, and dwarf, and hobbit,
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only reality that's reality
Is the reality that seems to belong to you . . .
But if you tread the footsteps of a different world,
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the Warg cry, as Crebain swept by,
Or asked the flying Gwaihir why he flew,
Can you sing with all the arrows of Moria 'n'
Can you braid the hithlain of Lorien
Can you braid the hithlain of Lorien

Come run the hidden paths of the Old Forest,
Come taste the sunsweet Lembas of the elves,
Come roll in all the riches of Middle Earth,
Be a dwarf, and wonder what their worth

The Oldbucks and the Tooks are my brothers,
Each Baggins and Cotton is my friend,
And we all help out each other,
To see our quests to the end

How high does the Party Tree grow,
If you never see it, then you'll never know,
And you'll never hear the Warg cry as Crebain sweep by
For whether we have round or pointed ears,
We need to sing with all the arrows of Moria 'n'
We need to braid the hithlain of Lorien

You can dream of joy and still,
All you'll have are dreams until
You can braid the hithlain of Lorien

Chasing Orcs
To the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
To be sung with gaity and annoying cheerfulness

We wish you a merry pursuit
We wish you a merry pursuit
We wish you a merry pursuit
And a happy, long chase

How joyous to find,
You're only three days behind
We wish you a merry pursuit
And a happy, long chase

Riders draw near,
But do not fear,
They won't run you through,
But'll give horses to you

We wish you a merry pursuit
We wish you a merry pursuit
We wish you a merry pursuit
And a happy, long chase

So where're those caught,
Their bonds are cut,
They dashed into Fangorn,
Then away were born

spoken [But by what]

So . . .
We wish you a merry pursuit,
We wish you a merry pursuit,
We wish you a merry pursuit,
And a happy, long chase

Part of That World
Sung to the tune of "Part of Your World", from Ariel the Little Mermaid

Look at this stuff,
Isn't it neat,
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl --
The girl who has, everything

Look at this trove,
Treasures untold,
How much LOTR can one bedroom hold?
Lookin' around here you think:
Sure. She's got everything . . .

I've got dresses and books aplenty,
I've got posters and pictures galore,
You want collages? I've got twenty.
But who cares? No big deal? I want more . . .

I want to be where the hobbits are,
I wanta see, wanta see 'em dancing,
Walking around in those
(what do you call them again? Oh) smials
Bein' big you don't get too far
Bare feet are required for jumpin', dancin'
Slipping through forests for many a
(what's the word?) league . . .

Up where they laugh,
Up where they've fun,
Up where they play all day in the sun
Wanderin' free, wish I could be
Part of that world

What would I give,
To live
Outta this world

What would I pay
To spend a day
In the Shire

Betcha o'er there,
They wouldn't snare,
Minds with false, hurtful, ideas
Work, recreation,
All'd be vacation,
In that bright land . . .

And ready to know what the hobbits know
Ask 'em my questions, get some answers,
How do you speak Westron and where do you
(what's the word?) learn . . .
When's it my turn?
How I would love,
Love to explore those woods up above,

I'd walk every mile,
To know with a smile,
I was part of that world

(slowly) How I wish I could be
Part of that world . . .

Of Isengard and Helm's Deep
To the tune of "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire"

Someone roasting on an open fire,
Crebain tweaking at your nose
The Black Speech being yelled by the orcs
And Orthanc slamming shut its doors . . .
Everybody knows Saruman's on the brink of war
Everyone's preparin' to fight,
Tiny tots, all anxi'ty and fear,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know that Uruks are on their way
They've come to every Rohirrim slay
And every father's child, is gonna try
To defend his fam'ly from the enemy
And so I say with the setting sun
To men from one to ninety-five
The battle for Helm's Deep has just begun
And it's unlikely that you'll survive

Ding Dong! Ugluk's Dead!
To the tune of "Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead", from The Wizard of Oz

Ding Dong! Ugluk's dead. Ugly Ugluk? Evil Ugluk!
Ding Dong! Wicked Ugluk's dead.
Ride on, you horsemen, back to home and Theoden
Ride on, wicked Ugluk's dead. He's gone where the goblin's go,
Below - below - below. Yo-ho, let's open up and sing, and ring the bells out.
Ding Dong the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know that evil Ugluk's dead!

As Eomer son of Eomund, Third Marshal of the Riddermark, I welcome you most regally
But we've got to verify it legally, to see
To see?
If he
If he?
Is morally, ethic'lly
Spiritually, physically
Positively, absolutely
Undeniably and reliably Dead
As Eothain, it must be sain*, I thoroughly examined him
And he's not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead
Then this is a day of Independence for all the hobbits and their descendants
If any
Yes, let the joyous news be spread. The ugly old Ugluk at last is dead!

*Note: "sain" means "said", only it rhymes with "Eothain"

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