If LOTR were directed by... - Why PJ is the right man for the job.

If The Lord of the Rings were directed by...
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ANYONE IN HOLLYWOOD

Bilbo: Welcome, Frodo my lad!
Frodo: What's everyone doing here? And who is that wizard with the dark skin and long white beard?
Bilbo: That's.. your Neww Partnerrrr!
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GEORGE LUCAS

Faramir: What manner of people are you?
Frodo: We're hobbits. We're small and cute, and have hair on our feet. And everywhere else. And even though we're short, a small group of us could take out all of Sauron's army AND the Balrog with a couple of sticks. Couldn't we, Sam?
Sam: Meesa, your masternessness?
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QUENTIN TARANTINO

Strider: Those f#@$@%ing wraiths stabbed @%&!ing Frodo with a $*@$#ing knife!
Merry: Yeah... and then they $#@%#$ing pack raped him.
Pippin: After taking the %#$#@ing skin off his @#$*ing face with a *!%#ing potato peeler.
Sam: And pouring acid on his $%#$ing genitals.
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STANLEY KUBRICK

Gandalf: What will we do with the one ring? We cannot use it. We cannot throw it away.
Elrond: I'm sure if we all get naked and plunge into other-dimensional experiences by pushing the erotic envelope in search of social comment, something will come to me.
Frodo: I'm sorry, Elrond. I can't do that.
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STEVEN SPIELBERG

Gandalf: Grima deceives you, King of Rohan. The armies of Mordor are strong, numerous, and come with a wide range of accessories, sold seperately. Even now they march on Action Playset fiv...uh, Helm's Deep.
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DISNEY

Frodo: We must leave for Rivendell at once!
Sam: Sorry mister Frodo, but the formula says that you have to 'get the girl using three wacky friends to help you'. We've got those, let's see.. (consults checklist) we need to get some more animals in here... who's for a song?
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ANY JAPANIME DIRECTOR

Sauron: How are gentlemen! All your base are belong to us.
Frodo: Your Wu tang is weak. I will kill your throat with many hurt.
Sauron: You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive, make your time.
HAHAHAHA (HA)....
Frodo: Harr-yugen!! Har-yugen!! Sonic BOOM!!
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WES CRAVEN

Frodo: Gee, you look just like Boromir!
(man pulls open jerkin to show sucking chest wounds) I.. *AM*.. Boromir... BWAHAHA! (chop,
slash, stab)


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