HUMOR ALERT Latest scene changes in FOTR! - This is getting laughable!

With The Fellowship of the Ring's December release drawing ever nearer the internet buzz has shifted into high gear. No longer satisfied with pictures of a security fence or a blurred image of somebody eating in a trailer, the information that fans are clamouring for has focused on the fine details of the movie itself. As spies from within the camp have begun to leak script segments, here are the latest deviations from the book that have come to light:

Fans have fired an angry volley over the creative decision to make Legolas shoot down a flying Nazgul not with an elven bow as in the books, but with a shoulder launched Raytheon/Lockheed Martin Javelin Missile System. "Gunpowder clearly exists in this era" defends writer/co-producer Fran Walsh, pointing to the fireworks scene in Bag End. "Not only that, but the book specifically states that Gandalf has made rockets for the Shire for years. And we've adapted the standard US Army design to be more ergonomic, very elvish. So get off my back!"

"Female hobbits are glossed over in the book" insists director Peter Jackson. "We wanted to give Rosie some time in the sun and establish hobbits not only as sexual beings, but to establish that anatomically they're quite similar to humans, and ground the audience in something they're familiar with".

"If you're converting any 1000 page book into three movies, and the movies can be as long as you want, then obviously you have to condense a lot of points and even characters, and throw out the bits that you don't like altogether" informs writer Phillipa Boyens. "Originally we expanded Saruman's role to be a creator of clone orcs just to annoy George Lucas. Then we saw how much Harry Knowles was wetting his pants over, and I quote, "CHRISTOPHER #$%#%ING LEE! IT'S CHRISTOPHER #&@!ING LEE!" so we thought we'd make Saruman responsible for the whole Caradhras snow thing, and then we said what the hell, you can't even see Sauron anyway, so we'll just put 'em together. You can only dress up an eyeball so much, after all".

Believed to be the first change in response to fan feedback, this variation stems from the fact that Legolas the elf wears boots in the film but shoes in the book. "You don't like his boots, huh?" says extra Angie Ball, who also works in costuming. "I put a lot of work into those boots, and I play his mother in a flashback sequence, so I borrowed a chunky set of clompers from one of those army extras in the fighting sequences, and I'm pretty sure I got them in frame too".

"The breaking of the fellowship is a critical moment in the trilogy" explains Viggo Mortensen, who plays Aaragron in the movies. "So we had to touch it up a bit. In the book Frodo takes off with Sam and I don't even know about it. I'm forced to make the terrible choice between letting the ring-bearer go off to certain doom alone while I save Merry and Pippin, or leave them to a horrible death and risk drawing the attention of Sauron to the one course of action blind to him".
"That just wasn't dramatic enough, so instead Frodo and I have a good old chat and sort it out. Everybody's on the same page, and we're all goal-oriented and results-driven."

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