Bring Out the Wood! - A scene from "Return of the King", Monty Python style.

[Based on Monty Python's "Bring Out Your Dead"]

Denethor: Bring out the wood! Bring out the
Guard: Here's some!
Faramir: (groaning, half conscious) I'm not dead...
Pippin: What?
Denethor: Nothing, go get the oil.
Faramir: I'm not dead...
Pippin: He says he's not dead!
Denethor: Yes he is.
Faramir: I'm not...
Pippin: He isn't?!!
Denethor: Well he will be soon, he's very ill.
Faramir: I'm getting better...
Denethor: No you're not, you'll be stone dead in
a moment.
Pippin: I can't let you burn him! It's against
Faramir: I don't want to go on the pyre...
Denethor: Oh don't be such a baby!
Pippin: I can't let you.
Denethor: C'mon, do me a favor.
Pippin: I can't!
Faramir: I think I'll go for a walk...
Denethor: You're not fooling anyone you know!
(to Pippin) isn't there something you can do?
Faramir: I feel happy....I feel happy...
(Pippin hits Faramir on the back of the head,
Faramir falls unconscious.)
Denethor: Thanks very much.
Pippin: Not at all.

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