Attempting to give rise to Nostratic and All Modern Tongues - The Onion

Joe C. gave me the heads up about The Onion's horoscope today. So, if you're a Capricorn, the sages there say... "You attempt to reconstruct the proto-language that gave rise to Nostratic and, thus, all modern tongues, but just wind up reading The Lord Of The Rings again." Of course, if you're not a Capricorn, you should also feel completely free to read the Lord of the Rings again before the films are released!
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