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Servants of the Secret Fire
2 Chalk Road, Folkhop Neighborhood, Shire Homestead, Landroval
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Contact information: servantsofthefire@yahoo.com
Common Tongue: Servants of the Secret Fire
Quenya: Núror Muinaréva
Sindarin: Bŷr en-Naur Thurin
Chief: Athelian
Contact: Email: servantsofthefire at yahoo dot com
Location: Middle Earth, Eriador, Landroval server, 2 Chalk Road, Folkhop Neighborhood, Shire Homestead.
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Motto: Servants of the Secret Fire: Ridiculously indignant since April 14, 2007, Gregorian Reckoning
Mission statement: I, Athelian, Chief of the kinship "Servants of the Secret Fire" (also known as "The band of Middle Earth residents with delusions of grandeur so profoundly unbalanced that they have likened themselves to Maia spirits despite being led by a 3 foot 4 inch hobbit with limited skills") have every intention of making this group one guided by the principle of ridiculous indignation, as the legendary Biffbo would have it. We will fight for good causes, no matter how ridiculous they are, how ridiculous we look, or how ridiculous we sound. We will invoke the fury of our ridiculously distant relations while completing both the most mundane and most dangerous of tasks.
Common phrases will include:
"For the love of Mandos, and in the spirit of our noble, albeit insignificant fathers, let us curdle that cow's milk!"
"May Mandos protect us while we carry this basket of eggs to safety!"
and
"You cannot pass! I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you here, evil garden shrew! You cannot pass!"
Among others.
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History: The Servants of the Secret Fire were forged in the fires of the ridiculously indignant designs of a diminutive hobbit of uncertain identity, though it is know that he was a direct descendant of the wise, yet debilitatingly obtuse, Bimbo Proudbottom, in the latter part of the Third Age of Middle Earth. Let us call him Biffbo. As rumors of war to the East began to penetrate the impenetrable Shire, they were largely dismissed by the majority of halflings, who continued their usual slumber. However, not all were unaffected.
Biffbo, who at the time was living in a tenuous situation on the border of Buckland and the Old Forest (he had been evicted from his hole for "unacceptable arrogance"), heeded the words of passing dwarves, elves, and the occasional fox, who warned of a great evil approaching. As he prepared for the inevitable onslaught upon his person (for he naturally assumed the War was directed at him, due to his delusional perception of himself as a hobbit of great importance), it seemed to him that a menacing host of foul fly swarms, malicious mice, and belligerent badgers were mustering in the grasslands outside of his humble abode (which was, in effect, a 3-foot hole he had dug for himself, although he will deny this). Rather than cower in fear, or flee to the West, Biffbo placed his tin-foil cap upon his head, and invoked the glory of his ancestors, who were thought to have once possibly known someone who had almost certainly seen, from a safe and respectable distance, the Great Bandobras "Bullroarer" Took. Biffbo's glorious heritage demanded that he fulfill his duty, immediately after he had a bit of breakfast and a couple seed cakes, and of course a generous helping of cold chicken, pickles, buttered taters and yellow cream. Actually, Biffbo had quite a long nap as well, after which he woke up, puffed on his pipe for a bit, napped again for a while, and then set to eating some head cheese leftover from the previous evening.
Following this interlude, Biffbo became very indignant.
After smiting a particularly large squirrel with a ridiculously large ham sandwich (conveniently the only weapon on hand), Biffbo found himself in the throes of a ferocious battle with a great winged beast made of flame and ash and other horrid substances (it was in fact, a small, furry brown bat, but Biffbo continues to deny this). Biffbo grappled with this nameless horror as he hurtled ever downwards, into a seeming abyss, with no beginning or end. Before long, Biffbo and the beast hit a floor of cold water, at which point Biffbo's adversary became a writhing reptilian form. It was horrible and Biffbo was hungry and in need of a nap. Nonetheless, after much drowning and escaping, and running about on snowy mountaintops and falling and hitting and swatting and falling again, Biffbo smote his assailant upon the ground, only to swoon and fall into deep darkness. During this shameful blackout, Biffbo claims to have seen a flame burning in a black void. As he approached it, a deep voice emanating from the flame apparently declared: "Pancake, good. Sauron, bad."
Biffbo awoke transfixed and inspired. The familial pride that had stirred in His heart had been elevated and sanctified. No longer was there simply pride and vengeance. There now lay before Him a duty of the highest order - a Quest in service of Iluvatar. Biffbo gathered all those of high name to his side, placed marmite upon their heads, and dubbed all those who would follow him, Servants of the Secret Fire. All those who would heed the advice of the Flame Imperishable, and stand in opposition to the dark designs of the Dark Lord Sauron (and his late master, Morgoth) were awarded membership to this inimitable brotherhood, provided that they either knew famous people or knew people that knew famous people. There first came Athelian of Rohan, whose grandmother was acquainted with a brave fellow who claimed to have shaken the hand of one whom had (with his bare hands) cleaned the horse dung from Eorl the Young's cousin's stables, and Finduilion, who possessed a painting of someone that was once laughed at by Anarion, son of Elendil. There was also Nogg the Dwarf, who knew a dwarf who knew a dwarf who knew a dwarf who knew a dwarf whose great grand uncle had once been "accidentally slapped" by Dáin I, son of Náin II, the last King of Durin's Folk united. And there were many others of equal importance. Since then, a growing band of enlightened individuals of all races and creeds have been touched (or rather, singed) by the Secret Fire, and have been ridiculously (and indignantly) filling Middle Earth with the sounds of their shrill, yet determined voices.
Since that time, Biffbo has sailed West across the Sea, and sits comfortably on a stack of pancakes, at the right hand of Eru himself (honestly...not joking here). From this august seat, Biffbo declared in a voice that shook the Earth to its very foundations (and promptly had him arrested for violating a noise ordinance) that Athelian the Fair shall acquire all his temporal and heavenly powers, and that all shall grovel before her, and avert their eyes, and praise her with great praise.
-P.S. I, the humble scribe of the Servants, wrote the last paragraph above only under extreme duress. It was dictated to me by Athelian the Cruel, who threatened to turn me into a newt and squash me into jelly if I did not write it, and.....aaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
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Kinship Rules and Principles: The 7 Deadly Serious Scribblings of the Servants of the Secret Fire
1) Zero Tolerance for Egregious offences to the Tolkien name: No one with the name "orliiloveu11" or any other teeny-bopper variants are allowed entry.
2) Zero-heavy optional roleplaying: Zero-heavy, optional RPing is the name of our game. Infused, of course, with an element of ridiculous indignation during questing activities.
3) A shared Tolkien spirit: This forms the foundation of this kinship, and the ideals of this community will be taken into account when recruiting non-TORC (theonering.com) members, which is a highly desirable thing. These ideals are expressed simply as a genuine interest in Tolkien's works and a maturity of character. The adoption of non TORC members is, in this vein, important, as you will meet non TORCers on this server who may be very much appropriate for the kinship in terms of their interest in Tolkien and their level of maturity. It is desirable to ask applicants to sign onto the boards and use it as a kinship talking space. This should be communicated to recruits upon an invite. Also, anyone under 18 cannot be recruited as an official member, but can be awarded "Junior membership," in which case we as a kinship extend a hand of friendship and goodwill.
4) TORC Communication: This board will serve as the prime space for talk. Alternatively, if people want to speak via skype and other mediums outside of the game world, they can opt into that, but are not required to share personal contact information.
5) Good will: It is the intention of the founders that this kinship treat everyone, whether they are the occasional players who sign on for either short periods each day, or only a few times a week, with not only respect, but with a real helping hand. In other words, since some play less, those who play more should be ready to help with quests, help with issues of gameplay, and help with tools and equipment, whether it be giving someone an unwanted weapon, or just a pat on the back for moral support....
6) Good manners: This kinship vows to maintain a hospitable clime. We therefore welcome only those travelers that are generally respectable people. In other words, no sleazeballs and no sexual harassment (although if you want, you can form friendships and even intimate friendships, as long as you do so in a tasteful manner, and keep certain talk in private chat.....). As such, I would encourage, although it will be difficult to enforce, a kinship made of characters that are of good intentions. I ask for help from my leaders in maintaining such a population. NOTE: This does not rule out a high degree of absurdity, which is encouraged but not required. Absurdity is considered respectable, as Biffbo would have it.
7) Bridge-building: We are to be known as a friendly, yet passionate kinship, committed to the cause of the free peoples of Middle Earth. We will form fellowships and friendships and share in celebrations with other noble-minded kinships and individuals, in the spirit of this pursuit.
The Kinship Chief is Athelian, whose word is law, though she governs with a light touch and an even hand (depending on your defintion of "light" and "even.") She is head of the Kinship, and may dissolve or change the rules as she will, but does not normally engage in the day-to-day functions of government (lies!). The functioning government is nominated by the Chief, but must be approved by a majority of kinship members. This government is structured as follows:
It is led by, and run by, the Chief Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable (to be appointed by Athelian), and his or her 7 merry men and women who make up the Council of the Flame Imperishable. Sharing decision-making with the Council is the Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable (currently led by Finduilion).
A more detailed map of the governing structure can be found here
Amendments:
I. Protection of the chattering class of foxes: While certainly creepy and unsettling, talking foxes are not to be harmed by any member of this kinship. Due to their highly developed sense of wonder and curiosity, and Professor Tolkien's unique ability to decipher the internal workings of their perverse minds, they shall be forgiven their intrusive and unwelcome opinions. December 18, 2007
II. The Right of kinship members to petition the Kinship Government for a redress of grievances:
A. Minor grievances: Kin members have the right to register their minor grievances, and have those grievances responded to in due course. Kin members may ask any kinship leader or Council member closest to the issue at hand for a response. If an immediate solution is not at hand, The Chief Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable is ultimately responsible for these petitions, yet they can be transmitted to him through either one of the Council of 7, or any other kinship leader. In such instances, grievances should always be addressed to the Chief Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable (the name of whom can be found in the below roster). If a response is deemed unsatisfactory, a kin member may petition the Chief and Founder of the Kinship directly.
B. Major grievances: If it is found that the Kinship Chief, the Council of Elder Servants of the Flame Imperishable, the Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable, or any of the kinship's leaders, are causing considerable harm to the health and well-being of the greater kinship (through either their neglect or their actions), kinmembers have the explicit right to demand a redress of said grievances. A simple majority of kinmembers expressing such discontent is needed to require the kinship's government to convene and take appropriate action. In such an event, a "leader" of the majority would be appointed as the majority's representative, and would, if so requested, be appointed as the permanent Ombudsman (or watchdog) of the kinship government. December 18, 2007
That is all. Go about your business and kill all neeker breekers when you get the chance. By Bilbo's breeches, they will not spoil my summer this year!
Chief Orders:
First order: All those who participated in the foundation of the kinship have been designated as "leaders" or "officers" of the kinship, with the express permission to recruit and add members. They may decline this designation if they wish. The position, while honorable, is always subject to review, and can be revoked if said leader is thought to have significantly violated the rules of the charter. If you ever say "orlando bloom is a dreamie pie" you will lose your status as leader immediately.
THE END
The following is a characteristically long-winded salutation:
Yours truly and always at your service, at the service of the Free People's of Middle Earth, at the service of the Flame Imperishable, and at the service of Biffbo's noble fathers, who knew people who spoke about people who were related to people who once saw from a distance (and possibly even brushed up against) the legendary Bandobras "Bullroarer" Took
-Athelian
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The Legendary Biffbo
Artist rendering of the Legendary Biffbo
Artist rendering of the fabled Biffbo, while not gloriously on fire
Artist rendering of Biffbo, immediately prior to collapsing under the weight of his helmet
Artist rendering of the legendary Biffbo, thinking the profoundest of thoughts. Probably a number between 3 and 5.
Current Government (for a more detailed breakdown, click here)
Pissed off Hillman, Athelians Personal Bodyguard
The Kinship Treasury:
Servants
Chief of the Servants of the Secret Fire
Athelian, Chief (yes you can grovel now!)
The Council: The 7 Elder Servants of the Flame Imperishable (also known as "Tenders of the Fire")
TBD, Chief Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable (Head of Government), and Co-Keeper of the Kinship Vault
Rorgloin, Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable, Founder and Representative of Rorgloin and Company
Adrien, Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable and Representative of the Edain
Kaelodo, Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable and Coordinator of Great Deeds and Hilarious Parties
Ulfi Stonefoot, Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable and Recruitment Czar Ordinaire
Lauran, Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable, Chief Crafter, and Primary Aide to New Kinship Members
Davidius, Council Servant of the Flame Imperishable, and Grand Leader of the End-Game Hordes
The Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable
Finduilion, Chief Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable and Commander of Dreadnought Operations
Calimahir, Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable and Chief of the Servants Intelligence Agency (S.I.A.)
Furgold, Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable and Chief of Aggressive Halflings Anonymous (AHA)
Map, Elite Guard of the Flame Imperishable, Standard Bearer and Principal Shouter for the Dreadnought Fellowship
Awards
09/1/2009: Most Persistently Sarcastic Member: