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Caption Contest 66!!! - Dwarves, Dwarves, Dwarves!

April 8, 2004
Submitted By ElvenArcher

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Gotta love those Dwarves! Such passionate fellows! Such Emotion! Such Beards!

Think of a humorous caption for this image, and post it in the comments section of THIS page. You can click the thumbnail to see a larger image (recommended) but PLEASE come back to THIS page before posting your captions! We had several people post on the wrong page last week.

Remember, Tolkien Online is a "family friendly" site, so keep all captions clean and G rated. As always, the only prize is "the satisfaction of a job well done." Remember, short captions usually work better than long ones! We want captions, not stories.

This week's picture is "Nain at Azanulbizar" by Jacek Kopalski

Last week's winner was Frelga with "YOU, marry a Rohan maiden? Over my dead and charred body!" To see this and other past caption contests, click the link atop this page.

This week's winner was theneonfish with "Having sung that stupid song one too many times, the Lollipop Guild finally snaps."

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Reader Comments

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... 69 Comments

  1. You put your ax in, you pull your ax out,
    You put your ax in and you shake the orc about.

    Comment by Frelga - April 8, 2004 @ 11:12 AM

  2. High ho! High ho! Its off to kill we go... we axe and dig and axe and dig high ho! High ho High ho High ho....

    Comment by Ral - April 8, 2004 @ 11:55 AM

  3. "And that's what'll happen to the NEXT person who paints 'Nain is ugly' on my helmet!"

    ~Loth

    Comment by Lothloriel - April 8, 2004 @ 12:58 PM

  4. I want my MTV!

    or

    Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

    or

    I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY!! I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY!! AND I PITY ANY GIRL WHO ISN'T ME TODAY!!

    Comment by Stupid_Orcs - April 8, 2004 @ 1:31 PM

  5. "This is what will happen to ANYONE who says I'm to short to be in 'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy..."

    ~Minyahwae Inglorion~


    All shall fade...

    Comment by Minyahwae - April 8, 2004 @ 3:11 PM

  6. "It's Miller time!"

    Comment by Shadowfax - April 8, 2004 @ 4:45 PM

  7. Nain: moria!
    ("moria!" repeated in awe among the dwarves)
    dwarf: it's only a model...
    Nain: on second thought...lets not go there tis a silly place

    Comment by Ireth_Earfalas - April 8, 2004 @ 5:46 PM

  8. You can take our lives but you'll never take our Mitril!!!!

    Comment by Ireth_Earfalas - April 8, 2004 @ 5:51 PM

  9. No we haven't been here before!

    I am sure this is a different skeleton.

    Follow me!

    Comment by Eluchil - April 8, 2004 @ 6:04 PM

  10. Seeing that the movie cameras were focusing more on the mountain behind them than him, Nain attempted to block their line of sight by raising his axe.


    -Ugluk

    Comment by Ugluk - April 8, 2004 @ 7:15 PM

  11. Seeing the Orcs were undaunted, Nain finally raised his hairy arm and let the full days' worth of stench hit them head-on.

    Comment by Ugluk - April 8, 2004 @ 7:16 PM

  12. Nain regretted ever agreeing to be the host for 'Stretch Yourself' on Monday evening TV.

    Comment by Ugluk - April 8, 2004 @ 7:17 PM

  13. The dwarfs in the back are thinking: Oh crap, Cheery's on her rampage now. Whoever stole her squined axe bag and matching lipstick is going to get it now!

    Comment by Stupid_Orcs - April 8, 2004 @ 7:40 PM

  14. The moment you've all been waiting for...The moment you've all been waiting for...
    Now you too can turn that straggly beard of yours into pure gold! Cloned from the three hairs of Galadriel, Elf-beard is brand new and revolutionary, but it can be yours for only 19.99 gold coins! (for a limited time only)

    Comment by ElanorBaggins - April 8, 2004 @ 8:41 PM

  15. The path of the righteous dwarf is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil orcs.

    or

    Valhalla or Bust

    or

    Once more unto the breach

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 9, 2004 @ 5:29 AM

  16. Me and that army!

    or

    That's right! That's how many dwarfs it takes to change a lightbulb!

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 9, 2004 @ 5:32 AM

  17. By the Power of Kazad-dum... I HAVE THE POWER!!!

    Comment by theneonfish - April 9, 2004 @ 7:34 AM

  18. Having sung that stuipd song one too many times, the Lolipop Guild finally snaps.

    Comment by theneonfish - April 9, 2004 @ 7:37 AM

  19. Taking things to a new level and wowing the crowd, the Drum Major for the Moria Marching Band twirled a Battle Axe instead of the customary "Mace".

    Comment by theneonfish - April 9, 2004 @ 7:41 AM



  20. Nain: Hey, look... a skeleton... it's dead...
    Azog: Of course it's dead! Now die!

    ( The following noises illustrate the scene... )

    SLASH! HACK! HACKEDY-SLASH!!!! OuuuuuCHHHHHH!!!!!! Crash! Gurgle... gurgle...



    squish.

    Comment by MysteriousWanderer - April 9, 2004 @ 8:19 AM

  21. Dwarves in back: whispering Are you gonna tell him that that skeleton was already dead before he axed it?

    Comment by Elone_forgottenofRivendel - April 9, 2004 @ 8:55 AM

  22. middle earth disco dance

    i will survive oh i will survive

    Comment by elrin - April 9, 2004 @ 9:32 AM

  23. Thought you would get away with those short dwarf jokes, did you Peter? Think again! CHARGE!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by daughterofpaladin - April 9, 2004 @ 11:24 PM

  24. The dwarves glare at the skeleton who chose to ignore Nain when he raised his axe victoriously and was expecting an applause.

    Comment by girl-of-Mirkwood - April 10, 2004 @ 12:11 AM

  25. GRrrr i am angry guy run
    you scally-wag!!

    Comment by *Ancalima* - April 10, 2004 @ 3:03 AM

  26. Hey! I can be an Argonath too! Oh wait, the axe is in the wrong hand.

    Comment by LilyfromBree - April 10, 2004 @ 8:01 AM

  27. Nain: Who likes short shorts?!
    Everyone else: We like short shorts!
    It was then when Nain realized that maybe they should rethink their war cry.

    Comment by Stupid_Orcs - April 10, 2004 @ 5:25 PM

  28. I'm Spartigus!

    Comment by what_about_Gimli - April 10, 2004 @ 10:57 PM

  29. The Dwarves arrived just in time to claim victory over the fallen

    Comment by ddraigwen - April 11, 2004 @ 12:10 AM

  30. We'll teach you not to say "Jehovah"!

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 11, 2004 @ 6:37 AM

  31. Nain believes he has just won the annual freestyle 'sand castle' competition... at least until he turns around.

    Comment by smeaglesprecious - April 11, 2004 @ 2:34 PM

  32. NOW. Who else wants to tell me that dwarf women shouldn't have beards?

    Comment by Osprey - April 12, 2004 @ 11:02 AM

  33. Just look at what this hard-headed Orc did to my FAH- bulous new designer axe! Do you see that chip? Hmm? Yes, quit snickering, Gloin, I'm a designer. I can show my feminine side if I wish!

    Comment by AragornsEvenstar - April 12, 2004 @ 6:30 PM

  34. Nain has just finished assembling his greatest army, and is thus finally ready to try his hand at entering the Cave of Caerbannog.

    **Note: Yes... the cave in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

    Comment by smeaglesprecious - April 12, 2004 @ 9:35 PM

  35. Dwarves(to the tune of Disney's Mulan's A Girl Worth Fighting For): For a long we've been marching off to battle. In a thundering herd we feel a lot like like cattle.........
    Dwarf in front: What do want?
    Dwarves: A girl worth fighting For!

    Comment by Arwenslove - April 13, 2004 @ 11:17 AM

  36. dwarf in front: Crestfallen Dwarves of Middle Earth... UNTIE!!!!!*

    *Note... untie= unite

    or


    Dwarf in front: I can't hear your singing!
    Dwarves in back: Where there's a whip, (cracking of whips) there's a way...**

    **From The Return of the King(animated version) when the orcs are passing by frodo and sam in mordor.


    or

    Dwarf in front: Come along men... to hooters!

    Comment by Alphedhel - April 13, 2004 @ 12:19 PM

  37. it's not everday you get to see your leader murder a skeleton

    Comment by striderchick - April 13, 2004 @ 6:45 PM

  38. I knew that Taco Bell was just over the mountain! I'm so hungry I could eat a nazgul.

    Comment by ElvenKing - April 13, 2004 @ 7:01 PM

  39. The sign in the background actually reads "No war in Iraq" and the skeleton is George Bush. This is the Dwarvish idea of an anti-war protest!

    Comment by LadyGreenleaf2000 - April 14, 2004 @ 2:08 PM

  40. Nian - I claim this land in the name of the... elfs, is it?

    Comment by deadmarshes10 - April 14, 2004 @ 4:28 PM

  41. To fight clamedia I will do what it takes!

    Comment by samndarrah - April 15, 2004 @ 7:08 AM

  42. "Short captions?? SHORT CAPTIONS??!!??"

    Comment by naurghash - April 15, 2004 @ 9:50 AM

  43. "Spear and magic helmet!"

    Comment by naurghash - April 15, 2004 @ 9:52 AM

  44. "What's in your wallet?"

    Comment by naurghash - April 15, 2004 @ 9:54 AM

  45. "It's fun to stay at the Y..."

    Comment by naurghash - April 15, 2004 @ 10:11 AM

  46. We will We will Rock you!

    Comment by sionben - April 15, 2004 @ 10:24 AM

  47. For the last time, I say it is "Less Filling"...anybody got a problem with this?!

    Comment by Hale - April 15, 2004 @ 2:45 PM

  48. A new season of CSI: Middle Earth begins...

    Comment by Scroozle - April 15, 2004 @ 3:03 PM

  49. Nain: does anyone ELSE want to make a comment on my breath?

    Comment by Tuima - April 16, 2004 @ 12:41 PM

  50. First Dwarf: And this is what happened to the first and only dwarf to say I was a bottle blonde!

    or

    ALL: The dwarves go marching one by one, hoorah, hoorah.....

    Comment by Warrior_Maiden - April 17, 2004 @ 1:59 AM

  51. From now on you will refer to me as... BETTY! meheheheh

    Comment by lordelrond#1 - April 17, 2004 @ 3:44 PM

  52. And I say that Gimli can still take that nancy Elf-boy! Anyone else want to voice their opinion?

    Comment by Prisca_Goldworthy - April 17, 2004 @ 5:15 PM

  53. (Nain, smugly) 56!

    (someone in background, whispers) This is getting ridiculus! You can't count them if they're dead BEFORE you axe them!

    Comment by ~Elwing~ - April 19, 2004 @ 6:29 AM

  54. TO THE BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    or
    TO OUR DEATHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    (like this guy here).

    Comment by aquaeddie - April 19, 2004 @ 11:05 AM

  55. How many times do I have to tell you?! RETURN to the caption page BEFORE you submit a caption!

    or

    Nain: *Singing* The mines are alive, with the sound of Balrogs!
    Other dwarves: Ah-ah-ah-ah....

    Comment by Computermouse - April 19, 2004 @ 6:49 PM

  56. On my command...throw your axes as far as your puny arms can...and RUNNNNN!!!

    or

    Ai! Ai! A Balrog is come!!

    or

    23 56 62 HUP! HUP! HUP!

    Comment by cleverer_radagast - April 20, 2004 @ 7:24 AM

  57. If I put my axe ju-st here it makes me look very "Manly". Yes Thorin, the axe is pointed at you! You, you lazy little (no pun intended!)... dwarf you!

    Comment by Airam_Nikral - April 20, 2004 @ 4:03 PM

  58. thats what happens to the next one to dye my beard while im asleep! savvy?

    Comment by redwallfreak123 - April 21, 2004 @ 8:51 AM

  59. "metallica rules!!! long live metal!!!"

    -or-

    "hi ho, hi ho, its off to work we go!"

    Comment by cuivienos - April 21, 2004 @ 5:22 PM

  60. .... I really want to see more "late caption contest" entries.

    In reality, it's because I'm having trouble with my computer and the area where we edit these articles. I'm working with the admins to fix it. As soon as I can get back in to edit the caption contest, I'll post the winner.

    Meanwhile, enjoy your visit with Nain.

    Comment by ElvenArcher - April 22, 2004 @ 4:35 PM

  61. ElvenArcher realizes too late that "Nain's PC Repair" might not have been the best service company to contact for help.

    --------or---------

    "It's a guarantee, ElvenArcher. Two or three whacks with my trusty axe to your harddrive will fix it right up!"

    Comment by Seribaba - April 26, 2004 @ 2:33 PM

  62. "I'm going to Disney World!"

    ....

    "Náin, come on down! You're the next contestant on the 'The Depiction Is So Horribly Wrong'!"

    _Mithy

    Comment by Mithnen - April 27, 2004 @ 3:36 PM

  63. Ed?, Hey Guys, Its Ed, You Remember Ed.

    Comment by Edemardil - April 28, 2004 @ 2:08 AM

  64. I know this has nothing to do what the picture is really about but-

    Gimli was still upset about Legolas claiming to have killed more orcs than him, so he returned to Helms Deep many years later-
    " I told you he was dead, Legolas!"

    Comment by Lindale - April 28, 2004 @ 3:09 PM

  65. "Whick Jackass stapled my arm to this hill? "

    Comment by Heroic - April 28, 2004 @ 3:57 PM

  66. And now let's get that guy who wrote the "Short People" song!

    or

    "Sing with me now! MOR-I-A!, (mor-i-a). they called our mine, Mor- i-aaah!"

    Comment by Ulugz - April 28, 2004 @ 6:11 PM


  67. The Dwarven axeball team celebrates.
    *singing* "We are the Champions! We are the Champions!"

    Comment by Elrohiril - April 30, 2004 @ 8:30 PM


  68. "ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALLLL!...er guys...guys!? i said all for and one for all...heelllo?"

    Comment by Tarawiel - May 1, 2004 @ 9:26 AM

  69. I still cannot log onto the section of TORC I need to get into in order to update the caption contest. Jonathan (the admin) said he'd update for me. However, due to my lack of access to the area, only the winner and not the runners up are being posted. Sorry! we did have a few good ones! If I ever get this problem figured out, I'll edit them all in.

    -EA

    Comment by ElvenArcher - May 2, 2004 @ 5:26 PM

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