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Caption Contest 65! - Father and Son Faceoff

April 1, 2004
Submitted By ElvenArcher

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"You, marry a Rohan maiden? Over my dead and charred body!"

Faramir and Denethor! ...A Tragic Father/Son relationship. Gandalf and Pippin look on, as... er... as... well, something is going on between Denethor and Faramir. What is it?

Think of a humorous caption for this image, and post it in the "comments" section of THIS page. You can click the thumbnail to see a larger image (recommended), but be sure to use your browser's "back" button to return to this page before posting your caption.

This week's image is by Anke Eissman.

As always, the only prize is "the satisfaction of a job well done."

Last week's winner was naurghash with  "Eowyn sees her chance as the Witch King's robes unexpectedly tickle the Fell Beast's armpits."  To see this and other past caption contests, click the "caption contest" link atop this page.

Our guest judge this week was Ted (our TORC admin). 

 

The winner was Frelga with "You, marry a Rohan maiden? Over my dead and charred body!"

 

Runner up was  Mummpizz with "Peregrin son of Paladin, thou hast lost ... it is find a chair or take thy leave."

 

Other top captions were:

 

 "Pull my finger."

 

"So intent were they in their four-way staring contest, no one noticed that, in an eerie sign of things to come, Denethor's robes had caught fire."

 

   

Razel: "For the last time, Mad Mardigan, I WILL NOT turn the brownies back into pigs! "

 

"Reporting live from Minas Tirith where the final game of the doubles staring tournament is now in progress"

  

 

"I don't care how late it is. No one is leaving this room until you explain the lipstick on your face and your shirt, my son!"

 

 

Denethor:" I tell you, paper beats rock!"

 

Denethor: Very good, son. Keep your chin down and your eyebrows tight. THAT'S how a steward glares.

 

"And as Denethor stares angrily at his dishonourable son, the flame in the room gives him funny ideas... "

 

 

 

Denethor: "HOW many times do i have to tell you boy! Hobbits are friends, not food!"

  

 

 

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Reader Comments

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... 63 Comments

  1. ...while Gandalf and Pippin listen in shocked silence: "It's MY hair Dad, and I'll wear it short if I want to."

    Comment by RosieCotton - April 1, 2004 @ 2:02 PM

  2. "I told you to keep that tunic clean!"

    Comment by Lothloriel - April 1, 2004 @ 2:05 PM

  3. Denethor: Now, young man, I want no more glowering like that - from now on you are home at ten or you get grounded for a month!

    Comment by truehobbit - April 1, 2004 @ 2:07 PM

  4. And as Denethor stares angrily at his dishonourable son, the flame in the room gives him funny ideas...

    Comment by elf_of_doriath - April 1, 2004 @ 2:14 PM

  5. if looks killed who would be dead first?

    Comment by AGLHE - April 1, 2004 @ 2:20 PM

  6. I wonder which episode of FRIENDS is on tonight.

    Comment by AGLHE - April 1, 2004 @ 2:22 PM

  7. WHAT did I say about taking out the trash?

    Comment by Waxwing - April 1, 2004 @ 3:46 PM

  8. denethor: faramir is that an ear ring

    faramir: i was just trying it on

    Comment by elrin - April 1, 2004 @ 4:11 PM

  9. So intent were they in their four-way staring contest, no one noticed that, in an eerie sign of things to come, Denethor's robes had caught fire.

    Comment by Ravennelle - April 1, 2004 @ 4:52 PM

  10. Faramir: Father . . . are you wearing your dreidels again?

    or

    Pippen: Duck . . . duck . . . goosey goosey Gandy!!

    Comment by Stupid_Orcs - April 1, 2004 @ 5:32 PM

  11. (blah blah blah blah blah) 'What the... what in Eru's name is that stuck in his teeth??' (blah blah blah blah) 'Doesn't he know his breath stinks like rotten mutten? (blah blah blah blah) 'Huh. Rotten mutten. Good name for a band.' (blah blah blah blah) 'I wonder what time it is.' (blah blah blah blah) 'Apparently the Road is not the only thing that goes ever on and on... and on... and on' (blah blah blah blah) 'Yawn' (blah blah blah blah) 'Why o why did I ever look into that stupid ball??'

    Comment by articusmaximus - April 1, 2004 @ 6:15 PM

  12. "Pull my finger."

    Comment by Shadowfax - April 1, 2004 @ 7:08 PM

  13. kodak moment

    Comment by Luthien-Numenor - April 1, 2004 @ 9:08 PM

  14. i just want to say, the " if looks killed who would die first" one is excellant!!!

    Comment by striderchick - April 1, 2004 @ 9:10 PM

  15. Denethor: Very good, son. Keep your chin down and your eyebrows tight. THAT'S how a steward glares.

    Comment by pippinsqueak - April 1, 2004 @ 9:37 PM

  16. Denethor: You blinked! I win!

    Denethor: Oh, weird, you don't have pupils either! Hey, look, neither does Gandalf!

    If all four glances are like "blades from eye to eye, flickering as they fence," then Faramir better not lean any further forward!

    Comment by Tuima - April 1, 2004 @ 10:07 PM

  17. "Peregrin son of Paladin, thou hast lost ... it is find a chair or take thy leave."

    Comment by Mummpizz - April 1, 2004 @ 11:48 PM

  18. But this time it's Pippin and not Merry.

    Comment by NienorNiniel - April 2, 2004 @ 4:43 AM

  19. Denethor: I'm not buying your story that the nazgul ate the pork chops you were supposed to be bringing! Now what are we going to cook??? The coals are perfect! Arrrggh

    Comment by Trasmerg38 - April 2, 2004 @ 5:14 AM

  20. Rebekah sends Esau out to hunt so Jacob could steal his brother's blessings.

    Comment by theneonfish - April 2, 2004 @ 6:24 AM

  21. As Johnny Galecki sat through another take of the show he couldn't help thinking "I know these dream episodes can get a little far fetched, but John Goodman as Gandalf. Gimme a break..."

    Comment by baldspyre - April 2, 2004 @ 6:29 AM

  22. Razel: For the last time, Mad Mardigan, I WILL NOT turn the brownies back into pigs!

    Comment by theneonfish - April 2, 2004 @ 6:30 AM

  23. Once again, Pippen finds himself on the losing end of a very competitive game of Musical Chairs.

    Comment by theneonfish - April 2, 2004 @ 6:32 AM

  24. He warned him not to lock his knees. But once Pippen' eyes glazed over, Gandalf knew it was too late.

    Comment by theneonfish - April 2, 2004 @ 6:47 AM

  25. In a school production of the Princess Bride, Inigo negotiates with Miracle Max and his wife for the reviving of the Man in Black. However, they were unable to find a giant and had to settle for a Hobbit to play the part of Fezzik.

    Comment by theneonfish - April 2, 2004 @ 6:51 AM

  26. Denethor: Look at Pippin. He's allegedly wearing the uniform you wore when you were a child. See how clean you kept your clothes back then? When did you begin to treat valuable clothes in such a disrespectful way?
    Faramir: Well, Father, you see, there was a battle...
    Denethor: Listen to me when I speak to you! No interrupting!

    Comment by ElanorBaggins - April 2, 2004 @ 7:16 AM

  27. Denethor *placing hand in fire*: See, son? It doesn't REALLY hurt...that much. I'm telling you, these flame-powered tanning beds are going to be a hit! Whaddya say we head on up to Silent Street and try one, eh?

    Comment by Cuiamin - April 2, 2004 @ 7:56 AM

  28. Reporting live from Minas Tirith where the final game of the doubles staring tournament is now in progress.

    Comment by Frelga - April 2, 2004 @ 9:04 AM

  29. Denethor: YOu, marry a Rohan maiden? Over my dead and charred body!

    Comment by Frelga - April 2, 2004 @ 9:05 AM

  30. Faramir! I told you no more hairy-footed midgets in the house! Put him outside, now!

    Comment by Ral - April 2, 2004 @ 12:13 PM

  31. Now will you listen when I tell you not to go uot?

    Comment by gonturan - April 2, 2004 @ 1:47 PM

  32. Faramir, my boy, you are out of school, you are working, and you are old enough...if you are going to live under my roof and eat my food, I think its time you started paying rent...

    Comment by Hale - April 2, 2004 @ 3:34 PM

  33. Denethor: Faramir, I found some interesting magazines under your bed after you left...

    Faramir:...

    Denethor: Why are you reading Seventeen when Cosmo has much better exfoliation tips?!

    Comment by luinedring - April 2, 2004 @ 3:56 PM

  34. You're late and you have blood all over you. Where were you raised? Ithilien?

    Comment by Riverthalos - April 2, 2004 @ 5:11 PM

  35. You're fired!

    Comment by niggleleaf - April 2, 2004 @ 5:22 PM

  36. I are ashamed. Pippin NOT Merry. Thirty lashes for me NienorNiniel. As punishment for myself I will set myself on fire and take a running leap to my death.

    Comment by articusmaximus - April 2, 2004 @ 5:54 PM

  37. Thought I'd just mention it.

    Comment by NienorNiniel - April 2, 2004 @ 10:42 PM

  38. "Outdrink me? Outdrink me? Boy, no living man has ever outdrunk me."


    -Ugluk

    Comment by Ugluk - April 3, 2004 @ 9:11 AM

  39. Denathor: Now you dont need to tell your Mother *Exactely* why we are late OK?

    Comment by NessaSindanarie - April 3, 2004 @ 11:07 AM

  40. Please, son, can I keep him? He followed me home!

    or

    Daddy, I think it's time we had THE TALK.

    or

    Pippin starts to squirm as father and son have a talk about the birds and the bees.

    (Sorry! It looks like Pip's feeling outa place)

    Comment by Computermouse - April 3, 2004 @ 1:46 PM



  41. Denathor: i want you to look in the fire and tell me my future!
    Faramir: i seee....FIRE!!
    (Gandalf thinking in the background: i'm surrounded by idiots)

    Comment by prettygaladriel - April 3, 2004 @ 9:57 PM

  42. "I don't care how late it is. No one is leaving this room until you explain the lipstick on your face and your shirt, my son!"

    Comment by Hobbit-lass - April 4, 2004 @ 10:53 AM

  43. Denethor: I tell you, paper beats rock!

    Comment by Warrior_Maiden - April 5, 2004 @ 3:07 AM

  44. Denethor: The situation is very clear: the Orcs can't fight and we can.
    Faramir: That's right. Gentlemen always fight better than rabble.

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 5, 2004 @ 9:45 AM

  45. Can't I keep him dad? He followed me home.

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 5, 2004 @ 9:46 AM

  46. You can't handle the truth!

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 5, 2004 @ 9:51 AM

  47. Denethor: Listen, if you can't find me any evidence of WMDs...

    Comment by captainofdespair - April 5, 2004 @ 9:56 AM

  48. Gandalf: Don't worry, Dentethor, you know we'll always come off on top because we are, after all, the good guys here.
    Faramir: Also the orcs have the combat skills of broccoli.

    Comment by Tuima - April 5, 2004 @ 2:03 PM

  49. Denethor:HOW many times do i have to tell you boy! Hobbits are friends, not food!

    Comment by Ireth_Earfalas - April 5, 2004 @ 3:37 PM

  50. Faramir: Surely you're not serious.
    Denethor: I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

    Comment by Stupid_Orcs - April 5, 2004 @ 6:13 PM

  51. Who shall say grace?

    or

    I spy with my hobbit eye.......

    or

    Denethor: Let's play sherades! I'll go first.

    Pippin: Uh, a mean old statue?

    Comment by *Glorfindel*182* - April 5, 2004 @ 8:07 PM

  52. Denethor: Nope, that fire's not big enough to burn both of us.

    Comment by Nawyn - April 6, 2004 @ 2:22 PM

  53. Denethor: FARAMIR! If I have to listen to one more of your farfetched stories - honestly, like a hobbit could really have just "found" the Ring...

    Faramir: But Dad, it's true -

    Denethor: SHUT UP!!!

    Comment by Nawyn - April 6, 2004 @ 2:26 PM

  54. Pippin thinks, "When are they going to finish that stupid staring contest and let me go get some dinner?...Hey, was that an apple?"

    Comment by Nawyn - April 6, 2004 @ 2:28 PM

  55. Denethor: I'm telling you, it's MY hobbit statue, I bought it, and it'll go in my room if I want it to!

    Comment by LadyGreenleaf2000 - April 6, 2004 @ 2:45 PM

  56. Faramir: who died and put YOU in charge, old man??

    Comment by Legyviel - April 7, 2004 @ 2:32 AM

  57. Denethor:Ah!You blinked!
    Pippin:He did not!
    Gandalf:He did so!
    Denethor:I win I win I win!
    Pippino not do not do not!
    Gandalf:YES HE DOES!(Rises up in a cloud of darkness)
    Faramir:If you all are going to fight about it then I'm going to go take a shower!
    Denethor:He withdrew!I win!
    Gandalf:Told you so.
    Pippin:Grrrrrrrr.

    Comment by Pippinsgurl - April 7, 2004 @ 5:31 AM

  58. denethor: you really need to look at yourself in the mirror that cut looks like your were writing loser all over your face.
    faramir: yeah well*sniffs*your feet smell of rotten fish go take a shower than you can go look at your self in the mirror you look like an orcs butt,
    pippin: ummm you guys both stink...for the fact that niether of your comments on eachother are at all good...I'm leaving this name competition is sooooooo boring

    Comment by aranelaiwe - April 7, 2004 @ 10:20 AM

  59. yet another father son disagrement in gondor:
    "but dad! you had the bath pillow last week!"
    "sorry son i need it for matters of the state"

    Comment by *Ancalima* - April 7, 2004 @ 11:43 AM

  60. Denethor: What did you say happend to those hobbits?
    Faramir: I'm not sure, father - I think they got lost in Mithrandir's beard..

    Comment by niphredil_ithilmir - April 7, 2004 @ 1:58 PM

  61. Pippin: Sure, Gandalf. Some hot party. I thought you said it would be scalding!

    Gandalf: I said SCOLDING, you idiot!

    Comment by Gayahil - April 7, 2004 @ 2:50 PM

  62. Faramir thinking to himself: Stupid man. Always ranting and raving. He's so dense, he doesn't even realize his hand is in the fire. And what's with Pippin and Gandolf? Just standing around..."

    Comment by Tarot - April 22, 2004 @ 4:38 PM

  63. After insisting that he and Pippin sit in on one of Faramir's "prince" lessons, Gandalf wonders if maybe too much damage has already been done as he looks from Faramir's bloodstained clothes to Denethor's face. Denethor is in the middle of explaining the three most glorifying methods of suicide. "If you slowly slink your hand into the fire like so..." Gandalf is debating whether or not to stand up and demand that the Steward see a shrink.

    Comment by Amelia Elf - January 6, 2009 @ 5:07 PM

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