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Caption Contest 62!!! - The Hobbit!

March 5, 2004
Submitted By ElvenArcher

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Bilbo: "No! No! You come in AFTER the third 'row'! Now let's try again. Row, row, row your boat..."

I thought I'd start branching out in caption contest pictures. This week, we're taking an illustration of a scene in the Hobbit! (I almost used a Silm pic, but I'm not sure how that would go over-- let me know in the "comments" section if you want a Silm image!)

At any rate, I'm sure we're all familiar with this scene, aren't we? Who are these people? And what are they going on about? And why is the floor cracked?

Think of a humorous caption for this image, and post it in the comments section of THIS page. You can click the thumbnail to see a larger image, but be sure to come BACK TO THIS PAGE before posting the caption. Do not post the caption on the page with the larger image!

As always, the only prize is "the satisfaction of a job well done."

Remember, TolkienOnline is a "family friendly" site, so keep all captions clean and "G-rated".

Last week's winner was Ugluk with "Aragorn froze as he felt Brego's Glock 7 pressed against his ribs. What the horse wanted he didn't know, but the Rohan horses always had been a little trigger-happy."  To see this and other past caption contests, click the "caption contest" link atop this page.

 

This week's winner was "Computermouse" with " No! No! You come in AFTER the third 'row'! Now let's try again. Row, row, row your boat..."

 

First runner up was gonturan with "

I warned you about the Atkin's diet, I told you that only Weight Watchers worked. I told you Atkin's would cause to waste away. Didn't I tell you?"

 

Other runners up:

 

"Could it be?! Great Uncle Henry! I thought you had died years ago!"

 

'Gollum; "Yesss, my Preciouss, soon we'll be famous, yesss we will, as soon as PJs lawyers deal with their rightses, yessss we will, my Precious . . . "'

 

"Bilbo to himself: 'I have definantly found the next person to be on Extreme Makeover"

 

"Both wrong! I haven't got any pockets!"

 

"Bilbo: NO! YOU do not weild the sword, the sword weilds you! Now, we shall meditate with the sword. Imagine you ARE the sword... "

and

"Bilbo: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the famous frozen prehistoric man."

 

There were a number of other good captions. To see them, click the "comments" link.

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Reader Comments

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... 68 Comments

  1. now gollum what have i told you about playing with the wargs. this is the last time i save your life. next time i'll just let them use you as a chew toy. too bad you don't squeak and your not shaped like a hamburger

    Comment by elrin - March 5, 2004 @ 6:36 PM

  2. ...Bilbo simply could not think of any question with that nasty wet cold thing sitting next to him, and pawing and poking him. Then, as the afternoons roast mutton was still churning his stomach, it came to him. "Pull my finger!"

    Comment by articusmaximus - March 5, 2004 @ 8:42 PM

  3. I told you, Gollum! You get a half hour of Zelda and then BED! Now go get your six teeth brushed or else NO STORY!

    Comment by Eredolyn - March 5, 2004 @ 9:24 PM

  4. Gollum! I told you not to use that bowl to cut your hair! You don't want the neighbors to think we're a bunch of rednecks now do you?

    (No offense to any actual rednecks out there... I'm one myself )

    Comment by geek_chick - March 5, 2004 @ 10:38 PM

  5. I am King of The Mountain, and there is nothing you sissy can do about it!

    Comment by EnelyaIsilra - March 6, 2004 @ 7:50 AM

  6. You, Gollum, are hereby sentenced to fill this crack in the ground with fish for your crime of perjury concerning how you acquired article of evidence #1, known as The One Ring.

    Comment by ElanorBaggins - March 6, 2004 @ 9:08 AM

  7. Bilbo: Who are you?
    Gollum: You know exactly who I am!
    Bilbo: Are you my conscience.
    Gollum: Yes, we haven't spoken for a while, how are you?
    Bilbo: Eh, can't complain.

    Comment by fantasybookworm - March 6, 2004 @ 1:18 PM

  8. Bilbo: "Bad Gollum, bad!! You just wait and see if I ever let you play with The One Ring again! Look what you did? And we lost the lake, do you see the lake anymore? Do you? Bad Gollum!"

    Comment by Hobbitlass15 - March 6, 2004 @ 2:32 PM

  9. "The water."
    Gollum realizes that perhaps spying something blue was not the best route he could have taken.

    Comment by smeaglesprecious - March 6, 2004 @ 4:02 PM

  10. Bilbo: "preciousss? Well, I must say, that's got a nice Ring to it."

    Comment by striderchick - March 6, 2004 @ 5:02 PM

  11. "No, Gollum, you may not eat the leeches on my legs...wait, leeches?!"

    And yes, please do a Silm pic! I promise I'll come up with a better caption than this one.

    Comment by Ravennelle - March 6, 2004 @ 8:39 PM

  12. Could it be?! Great Uncle Henry! I thought you had died years ago!

    Comment by luinedring - March 6, 2004 @ 9:27 PM

  13. I warned you about the Atkin's diet, I told you that only Weight Watchers worked. I told you Atkin's would cause to waste away. Didn't I tell you?

    Comment by gonturan - March 6, 2004 @ 10:18 PM

  14. Gollum; "Yesss, my Preciouss, soon we'll be famous, yesss we will, as soon as PJs lawyers deal with their rightses, yessss we will, my Precious . . . "

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 7, 2004 @ 12:38 AM

  15. Bilbo; "No, its not a sword I'm holding up, its only my finger . . . I haven't got a sword."
    (Crosses his fingers behind his back)



    Please do Silm picture

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 7, 2004 @ 12:40 AM

  16. Bilbo (in an accusing voice); "You've been doing some home-renovating, Haven't you . . GOLLUM?"

    Gollum; "Er, is it so obvious?"

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 7, 2004 @ 12:43 AM

  17. Bilbo: Gollum!

    Gollum, shudders then replies:what does it wantses, my precioussssss?!

    Bilbo rolls his eyes then:You come back empty handed!!!!!! I told you to catch me a fish!!!!!!!!!

    Gollum pats his belly and says:We got hungry on the way back, preciousssssssssssssss!

    Bilbo sticks his finger out in the air says: okay then! im going to have to poke your eyeses out! eyeses? I've been hanging out with you too often!!!!!!!!

    Comment by Alianasti_of_Eleandor - March 7, 2004 @ 7:49 AM

  18. Bilbo to himself: I have definantly found the next person to be on Extreme Makeover.

    Don't get the wrong idea, i can't help but hear about this makover jazz with two sisters and a mother.

    PS. REDNECK AND PROUD OF IT!!!!!!

    Comment by Strider_from_Hobbiton - March 7, 2004 @ 10:06 AM

  19. You've had your 3 guesses, and they were all wrong. Now show me the way out or I'll pull out the elvish rope I have in my pocket; elvish rope burns, and you wouldn't like that!

    Comment by Elbob - March 7, 2004 @ 10:41 AM

  20. Sorry but I don't know, I'm slow on the uptake.
    now for the caption

    Gollum: OOO! SHINEY!
    -----------------------------------------------------------or.
    Bilbo: Yes I am the dreaded hobbit who says NI! Now bring me a....*dramatic music*... HERRING!

    Comment by lordelrond#1 - March 7, 2004 @ 12:41 PM

  21. A "silm" picture is just an illustration of a scene from the Silmarillion

    Comment by Luthien_elentari - March 7, 2004 @ 12:45 PM

  22. YOu want a riddle? What Have I got in My pocket?

    Comment by shastadodd - March 7, 2004 @ 1:27 PM

  23. "Hey, we're tryin' to be serious here...If yoy don't stop checking out my flanks, I'm gonna pop you, sssucker!"

    Comment by Hale - March 7, 2004 @ 4:25 PM

  24. Bilbo: No! No! You come in AFTER the third 'row'! Now let's try again. Row, row, row your boat...

    or

    Bilbo: And don't you EVER bite of my nephew's finger EVER again!

    Comment by Computermouse - March 7, 2004 @ 7:00 PM

  25. Bibo: A filthy creature with greasy hair that reeks of fish. What is it?

    Comment by girl-of-Mirkwood - March 7, 2004 @ 11:02 PM

  26. "What is a slim picture?"

    A slim picture would be a skinny image, I guess

    But a SILM picture, is an illustration from one of the stories in JRR Tolkien's Silmarillion, the "pre-quel" to the Hobbit and LOTR, where we first meet Galadriel, Elrond, and that weird old elf who builds ships.

    Not to mention the adorable seven sons of Feanor!

    On the message board, in the "Books" section, there is a sticky post of "Best Threads". Scroll down to the "S" list and you will find a thread (or two) on the Silmarillion.

    Not the same type of read as LOTR or the Hobbit, but quite a set of stories.

    Comment by ElvenArcher - March 8, 2004 @ 6:29 AM

  27. "Both wrong! I haven't got any pockets!"

    Comment by smeaglesprecious - March 8, 2004 @ 7:17 PM

  28. Bilbo: How many fingers am I holding up?
    Gollum: Okay that'sss just dumb...

    Comment by ScissorWoman - March 9, 2004 @ 12:33 PM

  29. The Hobbit - staring Gary Coleman as Bilbo and Jeff Goldblum as Gollum.

    Gollum: Ah, yes, ah, very pretty, ah gives us the, ah, precious, ok?

    Bilbo: Watchu talkin bout Gollum?

    Comment by theneonfish - March 9, 2004 @ 1:20 PM

  30. Bilbo: NO! YOU do not weild the sword, the sword weilds you! Now, we shall meditate with the sword. Imagine you ARE the sword...

    Comment by deadmarshes10 - March 9, 2004 @ 4:16 PM

  31. sorry, that was horrible

    Comment by deadmarshes10 - March 9, 2004 @ 4:16 PM

  32. Bilbo: And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the famous frozen prehistoric man.

    Comment by LilyfromBree - March 9, 2004 @ 4:26 PM

  33. How many times have I told you to stay out of the cookie jar??

    Comment by Ugluk - March 9, 2004 @ 5:16 PM

  34. Hobbits are a virus....a cancer of this planet. And I - I am the cure...

    Comment by Ugluk - March 9, 2004 @ 5:22 PM

  35. Comment by Agamemnon - March 10, 2004 @ 6:02 AM

  36. Bilbo: "Who you calling fatty?!"

    Comment by Gallvine - March 10, 2004 @ 8:52 AM

  37. Bilbo: I'm thinking of a number one through one thousand; What is it?

    Gollum *thinks for a minute*: 144, presssiousss.

    Bilbo: You cheated!!!!!


    (Thank you, thank you. I'm aware that it's not funny)

    Comment by Alphedhel - March 10, 2004 @ 11:48 AM

  38. now gollum if you want to go out in a swim suit. at least get a suitable tan. nobody wants to see you in a speedo all pale like that

    Comment by elrin - March 10, 2004 @ 2:05 PM

  39. Bilbo: ok, one more game of twister but then STRAIGHt to bed!!

    Comment by prettygaladriel - March 11, 2004 @ 1:30 AM

  40. "Got your nose!"

    Comment by naurghash - March 11, 2004 @ 10:12 AM

  41. The power of the ring held Bilbo unchanged as his Farewell Speech stretched on for years.

    Comment by naurghash - March 11, 2004 @ 10:14 AM

  42. Soon it was clear which member of the Lollipop Guild had switched to aspartame.

    Comment by naurghash - March 11, 2004 @ 10:17 AM

  43. hey! i've seen you before! Weren't you on Trisha last week?

    Comment by eyowin - March 11, 2004 @ 11:41 AM

  44. do a Silm pic! i know my captions wont be any better. but hey, its worth a go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

    Comment by eyowin - March 11, 2004 @ 11:54 AM

  45. ...and silicone lip implants could change YOUR life as well!

    Comment by naurghash - March 11, 2004 @ 12:25 PM

  46. "Well Thorin, I'm sorry your barrel was half-full of Drano. But at least you made it to Laketown."

    Comment by naurghash - March 11, 2004 @ 12:29 PM

  47. I'm sorry about the misspelling. I'm currently reading the silmarillion and I find it absolutely amazing. To go so far into a story like that is awe inspiring.

    (by the way, I would like to see a silm pic )

    Comment by lordelrond#1 - March 11, 2004 @ 3:27 PM

  48. hehe

    Comment by bird - March 11, 2004 @ 4:14 PM

  49. Don't make me repeat myself!!!!

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 12, 2004 @ 1:35 AM

  50. "You've been cutting your hair again, haven'y you, GOLLUM?"

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 12, 2004 @ 1:38 AM

  51. Bilbo "NO knock-knock jokes, we agreed!!"

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 12, 2004 @ 1:40 AM

  52. "My sword glows when goblins are nearby, and your eyes glow Gollum, we'd better run for it!!!!" :0

    Comment by faramiriscool - March 12, 2004 @ 1:41 AM

  53. Faramiriscool: I think I misspelled. should be Draino. Oh, well.

    Comment by naurghash - March 12, 2004 @ 11:04 AM

  54. have you heard about the school that is now teaching elvish? my mates just told me! i gonna try to find out more details on the net!

    Comment by eyowin - March 12, 2004 @ 12:13 PM

  55. Gollum: And thatsss how long I'vesss been stuck downsss hear, Presssiousss!

    Bilbo: Great Scott, in a few years I'll start to look like you!

    Comment by Alphedhel - March 12, 2004 @ 12:14 PM

  56. Happy mock- Mardi Gras Day!!!

    Comment by Alphedhel - March 12, 2004 @ 12:17 PM

  57. As gollum begins to creep up slowly in order to devour the nice little hobbit, Bilbo suddenly whips out his glowing sword and points it at gollum. He hisses.

    "The nassssty little hobbit. You cheatsss us!"

    Bilbo replies, "Hobbit."

    Comment by The_Eavenstar - March 12, 2004 @ 5:42 PM

  58. After years of therapy, the psychoanalyst finally figured out what was the bad experience that caused Gollum's urge to bite fingers.

    (We wants Silm pics my Precious! Yesss! And also more of Merry and/or Pippin? Please, please?)

    Comment by Hobbit-lass - March 12, 2004 @ 8:55 PM

  59. Gollum: I know what yous gots in your pocketeses!
    A McChicken Sandwich!

    Bilbo: No, its mine!

    Gollum: But you will get fat, hobbit!

    Bilbo: Why would you care? If you ate it, you'd get fat!

    Gollum: And then I'd sue McDonalds!

    Comment by DragonSlayeress - March 13, 2004 @ 6:05 AM

  60. Sam grows old listening to yet another of his Gaffer's speeches.

    Comment by Lothloriel - March 13, 2004 @ 9:57 PM

  61. Bilbo: Yeah, vintage buttons, solid brass. Listen, you show me the way out, and I might just give you one... beats that "precious" thing you keep whining about all hollow, I'm sure. And to sweeten the deal, I'll throw in this fancy ring I found a while back...

    or

    Bilbo: No way, I have a fetish for shiny round stuff, too! By the way, has anyone ever told you you have beautiful eyes?

    Definitely let's have some silm pics!

    Comment by Tuima - March 14, 2004 @ 3:19 PM

  62. All right, I'm off to find the exit, and I'm taking the Ring with me. And don't even THINK about follwoing me, Gollum, or I'll tell Sauron on you, and THEN you'll be sorry!

    'K, not that funny, but yah.

    Comment by Tuima - March 14, 2004 @ 3:22 PM

  63. If I take a long time getting the winner posted and the next contest up (again), will I get more funny captions regarding the long wait?

    :-) ;-)

    (off to look for a Silm pic for the next one)

    Comment by ElvenArcher - March 14, 2004 @ 10:49 PM

  64. see above.

    (No one will get this, it's my mom's favorite saying for the in home Day Care to two yearolds. She even shakes her finger like this pose.)

    Comment by Alphedhel - March 15, 2004 @ 11:40 AM

  65. About World's Dumbest Riddle... I'm sorry that wasn't funny. But cut me some slack I'm new at this...

    P.S. To Eredolyn: Only 30 minutes of Zelda!? Those games are hard! How does Bilbo expect Gollum to make any progress!? 0_o That was funny anyway though! XD

    Comment by ScissorWoman - March 15, 2004 @ 2:06 PM

  66. After weeks of wait, having exhausted their riddles, Bilbo falls back to teaching Gollum on the intricacies of properly brushing foot hair.

    Comment by Luthien_elentari - March 15, 2004 @ 5:19 PM

  67. *For ElvenArcher, just in case!*

    As Bilbo and Gollum decide to end the world's longest game of 'statues', Bilbo suddenly wonders why he was now pointing above Gollum's head.

    Comment by smeaglesprecious - March 15, 2004 @ 5:59 PM

  68. the dumb riddle caption was awesome.

    that one and Smeagolsprecious' "Both wrong! I haven't got any pockets" were fabulous.

    Comment by naurghash - March 16, 2004 @ 5:33 AM

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